She does and has. Unless she is blind toit, which most likely she is. She doesn't want to see anything in me right now, this I know because of who she is now and what is going on in her life. I have said this many times, if she looks at me and sees Me, sees who I am , sees what I am, she will see Him....This will be her undoing in the fantasy world. She may or may not be ready for that. I am night and day to her over 4-5 months.
Before, good guy, drinks gets jealous over her flirting, says mean things, losing control, no self esteem or confidence. Bomb drops, crying, whining sobbing, begging, no self esteem, no self confidence, lost, depressed. Now, confident, have self esteem, in control, happy, organized, well groomed, slim, nice person, more so than before.
Her, well she is confused, trying to still justify, drinks (parties) often, (i don't preach against it, but when I have to be single parent driving, dropping off, and all the rest, it pisses me off that she can canter through her life doing that knowing full well I can't because I am responsible)still telling herself lies about what she's going to do, with OM, and really not having much of a life. She has lost touch wth her kids, her mother, her father and well other things.
I am not what she left, I am who she left. God works in mysterious ways, I don't think I would have done what I am doing nowif this haden't happened. I think my house would be gone or on its way, I would've continued on partying, not really taken hold of me or my life because I believe I was in MLC for a while. I had the symptoms, but the bomb blew me back to reality, quickly. Oh, it took a couple of weeks for the dust to settle. But I am back to where I was as a person, father, provider and friend. She is not....I had posted earlier to Amy how much now, when I'm hurt I think of church....To just sit there in church, to feel happy, safe and content....Melt down last night was a shot in the arm...He asked me if I truly believed, I said I did, but I didn't know what I believed anymore. I wasn't sure why I was doing , feeling or acting was it really me or am I justifying now....Made me cry, hard tha tI didn't know. He told me, It is Me, because I have let Him in, it will be Me, His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. More words that now have more conviction in my life. Forgiveness is well on its way, my guess would be that is what brought on my doubt. Do I really want to forgive this, do I really think she'll be back, will I want her back, do I want her back...One step at a time, YEs to all of those questions, done with that for now. I should go in and get the card from her in person. Yes, absolutely. Even if its in her car, I will go in and tellher I got it and thank her for her effort. YEs, I need to do that. I saw your email in your posts, would it be ok for me to email you directly? Shows you I did read you...
