Thinks are just moving along. Sent X an email about holiday schedule with kids last Thursday. Per court papers she would get them from the time they get out of school until noon on Christmas Day. I get them from then until they go back. Long story short they would be with her for 8 days and me for 12. Told her that if they weren't going out of town I would like to get them for a night in the middle of that. I did some switching for her over Thanksgiving and ended up not having them for 7 nights. Missed them a bunch and tried to get them for dinner in the middle. She wouldn't do it and said kids didn't want to go. Kids told me it was her not wanting them to go with me. Decided I wouldn't leave things to "chance" anymore and that we needed firm schedule. In email I told her I would like to get them one night and she could have them during my time if she wanted, but NOT required. She didn't answer, told me she would over weekend.
Kids came to me last Friday. Weekend went good. My D14 is a HS cheerleader and they were in the local Christmas Parade on Sunday. I met her at the end of the parade route and we had to drive back to the middle of the route to get her stuff from her friends car. She said her Mom and BF were close by. I figured I would "break the ice" and meet the BF since my D16 is so protective of me when other kids talk about him when I am around. D14, D11, and myself went over to where they were but he wasn't around. X was there with his two young kids. D11 got a bit upset afterwards because she said that her Mom was acting like theirs.
Rest of weekend went good and the kids went home w/ Mom after school on Monday. I had to drop their stuff they left at my place off at her place on Monday evening. X came out and we talked about Christmas presents for kids and she gave me verbal ok for getting the kids on Sunday night the 21st.
Yesterday morning I sent another email and sent her a text saying I had sent one to "confirm holiday schedule". I wanted her to be clear as to which night I wanted them. She replied back that there was "nothing to confirm". I called her and asked about what we had talked about the night before. She got upset because I only wanted them for one night, she understood it as being two. She said she would read my email and reply back to confirm. She hadn't done so by 9PM so I sent another text asking her, she said she would do it "shortly".
This morning still no response so I sent another text. She called and we talked about it. She was still pissy about the "one night instead of two" thing but said okay. I told her that the reason I was doing this via email was so that we were very clear on what was going on. She said she might want them during my 12 nights but doesn't know for sure since she might go on a trip. I told her fine, I would be willing to do whatever she wants as long it doesn't interfere with plans, but that I needed to know ahead of time so I could make my plans with kids. She said she prefers just playing things by ear.
My problem with "playing things by ear" goes back to the way things go when we do this, like during Thanksgiving. I always get the short end of the stick and she constantly wants me to pick them up early because she "has plans". It is always a bit of a fiasco and generally involves tension between us because of her shifting expectations.
Hopefully I wasn't wrong in asking her to deviate from the court plan then expecting her to be firm on the modified schedule. I was just trying to ensure some time with the kids and a known schedule so I could plan.
ya know I see things the same as you do on the co-parenting. I want something on paper to fall back on but also want to be as flexible as possible while being fair..and I want it fair for both Kim and myself..
