My suggestion, if Dan shows up and does things for you then let him. If you need to justify it to yourself then tell yourself that he's doing it for the kids safety, wellbeing, whatever. In some ways he really is. It will take a while for you not to feel like he is invading your space by doing this. He's really not trying to make it seem that you can't do it yourself, he knows you can and that thought of being useless to you terrifies him! I guarantee it.
JMO..I see this as holding on..and Dan will see it that way also. He's doing these things in hopes that you will see them as nice and allow him to do more of the same/invite him back..IMO.
drop the rope, let him go..take care of as much as you can by yourself..
