Hi SC- I don't know that I am anyone to argue with your C BUT I think he (or she) could be wrong. I know my H has not ever really acted depressed but has somewhat recently admitted that he isn't happy. My H has been extemely good at compartmentalizing...he has acted like everything was fine and fun in all areas of his life except for the part that included me. Our C has waffled on whether or not my H is having a MLC or an identity crisis...however he does seem to think he is depressed. Now, almost 22 months post bomb, my H has admitted his unhappiness isn't all about me. Sure we had issues and things to work on to make our M better but nothing insurmountable.
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Now, in my head, I have the picture of this man that I live and breath for looking at me with tears in his eyes and telling me that he's sorry but he doesn't feel that way for me and he hasn't for a very long time. Nothing I can do can fix it. He says there is too much water under the dam and he just doesn't have that feeling for me.
IMO, this is typical MLC. My H told me he felt empty inside and that he has nothing left to give.
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It's not depression because he is happy when he is out with friends and enjoys talking to and looking at other women. {Our C has confirmed that he doesn't meet the criteria for depression) He says when he sees me, he feels nothing but turmoil, and if I touch him or come near him even, he just feels revulsion.
This sounds like replay to me. Have you read the posting on this site about the stages of MLC? First is denial, anger, then replay...after that comes depression and withdrawl...and then finally accpetance. Here is the link just in case...The Six Stages of a Mid Life Crisis, by HB. And IMO, your H's "revulsion" is about his misdirected anger and guilt and has very little to do with you. This is why you have to do your best to GAL, detach and have no expectations. Any pressure from you can add to his already mounting guilt.
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He says he doesn't think he will ever marry again, because he just doesn't have anything to give to a relationship.
My H has said the exact same thing. My H filed divorce papers in 8/08 but never served me and 3 months ago the D was dismissed. My H and I have been in MC for about 8 months now...sometimes I see progress and sometimes it feels like we are moving backwards. It is frustrating as he11 but for some reason we are both hanging in there. My H has recently confessed that he has used all kinds of reasons and excuses to keep me at a distance. At this point, I have no expectations for our future but I do have hopes that my H will be back home soon and that we will rebuild a better marriage than we had before.
This is a difficult journey. It doesn't sound like you are a quitter so give this time regardless of what your C says. Use this time to work on yourself and discover the parts of you that got lost during your M.
