Hello I just found this site a few weeks ago and wanted to put my story out there and see if anyone has any advice for me. Here is my story: My husband and I were together for almost 20 years, married for 19 of that. We have one son 18. My husband, 41, was a police officer for 11 years and a fire chief for 8. He is a very prideful man and well know in the community. Having said that, he is also very blunt and always in charge. He is always right! (According to him). At the same time, he has been a great father and husband to me up until our seperation. It all started a year ago when he lost his job of 11 years as a police officer (sgt. for years). After he lost his job, he immediately found another one as a supervisor at a nursing home, supervising housekeeping and maint. During is time off, between jobs, he started working out regliously. I mean every day almost. He said it was for his health. Anyway during this time we thought we were gonna lose our home, so we moved out into a rental house. (During the move, some problems arose at the fire dept. and he resigned as chief.) After living around 3 months at the rental house, we realized we could save our home and decided to move back in. This alone is very stressful, moving 20 years of stuff out and then back in all in a 3 month period!!! My Husband hates to move anything, so to say the least, he was very upset at the fact. Anyway, while moving back to our origional home he changed from 3rd shift to 1st shift (big adaptment there to). This is where it started going downhill. During the move, my mother died and we had to stop everything. My husband, I thought, was being very supportive. Although, during the wake and funeral, he worked every day for at least half a day. About 3 weeks after my mothers death, he decided he wanted to seperate. I came home from lunch (we were still in process of moving) to check on things, (he was painting) and thats when it happened. While I was there he got a phone call and ignored it, I asked who it was and he got deffensive. I dropped the conversation and asked to use his phone. While using it, he followed my from room to room watching me. I knew something wasnt right. I looked at the # and questioned it. He then opened up to me and started crying, saying he thought we should seperate. He thought he also wanted a divorce. He tried to tell me he had been unhappy for awhile and he was on the verge of cheating on me. He said he wanted to leave me before that happened. He continued to move my stuff back into our home that next day. He decided to stay at the rental house for awhile. He got me moved in ONE day! I could tell he was in a hurry. After the move that day, he stood in the doorway and cried again. (remember this is a VERY prideful man, never cries). I should have known he was making a decision that he wasnt sure about. Anyway, I drove by his house the next morning and found HER there. A 25 year old girl, married and a mother. I confronted him, she got away, and he told me it was over between us. Since then, she is out of the picture. When he moved me out in Sept., they saw each other until around nov. and then stopped. My husband filed for divorced around 3 weeks ago and it was final the 8th of Dec. During this seperation and even now, all he says is "I want to be left alone", "I want to spend my days left on earth in peace and quiet." He wants to be alone and not answer to anyone. He says he loves me but dont want to be married anymore. He says he will never be married, no one will ever live with him and he will never live with no one else. He says no one will EVER tell him what to do, and he will never answer to anyone again. Of course I did the begging, crying, lets work on it thing. I called him all the time, and still do some days. We still are intimate on occuasion. He says he has never been with anyone else. He claims he wants to "play", whatever that means. I take it play around. He doesnt care for me calling once a day or every other day, but basically, just leave him alone. He dont want to talk about us for sure. He says he is Probably isnt coming home, (except when he is mad, and then its I am for sure never coming home). He says,(on some days), I wont say I am NEVER coming home, because he doesnt know what the future holds for us. He, agian, says he just wants to be left alone. He has told me several times to go on with my life and find someone to make me happy. But sometimes when I mention talking to certain people, he will say things like, yea you need to talk to them. (being sarcastic), then other times he tells me, so sinceely, you will find someone else, and that I need to have a better attitude. I think he wants me to find someone else, so he doesnt feel as quilty about this. He did say one time, that he didnt know how he would react when he saw me with someone, and that he would never let me know his reaction. He told me recently that it brings back old feelings when we are intimate, and we shouldnt do that anymore. During the times we are intimate, we are not allowed to KISS! I am on a rollercoaster right now. He doesnt call me unless he is returning my calls. He calls my son but not me. He is a very stubborn man and has to have things his way! Since we seperated in Sept. I have not went more than 3 days without talking to him. On the 3rd day he asked my son how I was doing. He had never did that before. While my son was with my H, I called him (my son) and my H grabbed the phone out of his hand so he could talk to me. I need to go more than 3 days I know. BUT, its so hard. I dont know, what happened to my husband. He was such a good father and husband to us for almost 20 years. When I bring this up to him, he says life changes. I think he may be going thru MLC, but I dont know for sure. I know we have had alot of changes in the past year, on top of this, raising a teenage son, that knows EVERYTHING! Even at one point before we seperated. My husband made the comment that he was leaving and I could stay or go with him. (He was arguing with our son at the time). I could tell everything was getting to him at that point. Ok, I have tried to give you all the details. What do you think? I know we are divorced, but I am hoping and praying he will come home. I must add, that since this, I have turned my life over to God and have faith in him. God has held me up during this time and continues to do so. I want God's will to be done and I have faith that my marriage will be restored but until then I have to be strong for me and my son. Thanks for listening and for your input.
Also after about a month of seperating, he did say that if we divorced we could always get remarried. He agreed with me that it was just paperwork. Also, my H did get a FREE divorce from one of the lawyers he knew as a police officer. It only cost him filing fees of around 175. So, you see, I think since it was free, why not get it and not be tied to me legally...therfore he is single and doesnt feel as quilty about dating other people.
