Her car insurance is her responsibility, I put it under my AAA to get a reduced rate and she agreed to have me paid prior to each payment due date. She is behind. I am not being vindictive. I did on some other issues and Amy did call me on it and I recinded it.
The $10. Let me explain, My new insurance plan has a $2000 deductible tha has to be met. It is thru BC/BS. The payments per visit or issue will be based on a contracted agreed to price. What my company is doing is working with hteir bank to set up an account for Health services, kinda sorta like flex. Well I am putting in $15 a week to help offset some of the $2k deductible. I will collect $10 a week from her to help her with the medical bill payments pre-deductible. The bills will come to me and I will have to deal with them. My health insurance for family went up $28 a week. If I had the single parent and one child plan, it would have been $5 a week less than I am paying now. So I am weating this cost. The $10 will go into this medical account (it has to be used for medical per the way it is recorded with IRS). This way, when she goes to the doctors for whatever, she won't get hit with a bill she can't pay. That's all it is. It is a Lonely D thing but it is referred as a Health Spending Account. It is realistic and intelligent and logical. None of this is where she is. By doing this I am helping her. Example, I need to meet $2k per year and then everyhting is "free". This spending puts $1200 into an account to help offet the costs. that means between the three of us, we are only exposed to $800 out of pocket.
I know it sounds like I am nickel and diming her, but I'm not. I am spending $3 more each week out of my pocket for this. $172 more each month, that is my heating bill. I will need to cut more corners in my household to offset this, she has to do nothing other than give me $10 so that she is healthy and pay her respective bills until the $2k is met. It is LonelyD, health insurance thing.
God has told me, as you did , to treat this as a trip she is on. I am dealing with everything that way. If she was with me, I would pay the whole amoutn to the health account and her paycheck would pick up the slack. I am asking for no more than that amount.
The Word to me is this, negative actions will beget negative reactions. She is lost and does not know where she is, do not turn out your light for a single moment. she needs to see your light, the one I have given you. She will see me through your light and she will know she is home. This is my belief and this is what i am doing. My letter to her is very nice and light hearted. Yes I wanted to slpa her hard, but I am past that point now. Please don't think I am being vindictive, I am helping her, but I am also cognizant of my financial obligations to my D17, my home and me. Yes, she still matters. But this is her consequence, she cannot take a back seat to these changes. I am treating the situation "as if" she were still with me. You must trust that I am dong this for her, not to hurt her. 6 months from now if she has a doctor visit that is $600, she couldn't possibly pay it, this account would be able to cover most if not all of it. Is that something thatr hurts her? Financially it secures her health benefit, same as I am doing for D17 and myself.
God has told me not to condemn those who have hurt me. People that know me cannot understadn why I am acting differently with that regard. Why? because it will not help. If His words tell me to go against my initial responses, then it will be that way. Until I see something worng with His words or actions towards me and my goal, I will listen and I will follow.
I do appreciate your thoughts on this, I really do. Yes her email was in response to the initial one I sent. Yes it was very vindictive and Amy saw that immeditaley. Her words coninced me to rescind and email her again with a very subdued reply. My letter tells her that she should read all my emails, not just the first one.
I put reality in front of her when I can, for she doesn't see anyhitng but her reality. As I told her int he letter "I hear I am a pretty nice person". Trust me, I am...I'm not doing anything to hurt her, she wil do enough of that on her own. My focus, with reagrd to her is for me to learn to forgive, these are the initial steps, trust me, I could bolt and do things legally that would take her years to undo , if ever....
