Got a copy of Fireproof from Amazon in the mail yesterday. Couldn't put it down. Finished it in a couple of hours. Hits home for me in so many ways. First as a fire fighter I feel some of the exact things Caleb does in the book. Second, the story of how they grew apart is so similar, as with many of us, it really struck home. I would have to say I took my anger out in many of the same ways. The worst was the day we sep. when I threatened MIL. I too had the neighbors wondering what kind of loon was living next to them. While I don't feel as if I have the same hero complex and deserve the respect at home just because of my job, I can see how he felt that way. I feel that W did respect me for who I am and not what I do for a living. Third thing that struck home was my thoughts of God. I have been somewhat against organized religion or the thought of a God. However in the past month I have come back, so to speak. Prayer has helped me deeply. No less than three to four times a day do I pray. It has helped me keep PMA, limit the thoughts of X with OM, etc. Slowly I am becoming a believer again. Feel as if this everything is happening for a reason bigger than myself. Interesting how I have been reading so Christian type books. "Five Love Languages", "Fireproof", "Love Dare" and a book by Dr Dobson that I can't remember off the top of my head. And even more interesting is how I feel that the tide has turned a bit in our R since I started reading such books. And I forgot the Christmas music that I am actualy enjoying for first time in a long time. I even call a co-worker and told her that I wanted to work for her on Christmas so she could spend it with her young son. In the past we have not gotten along so it felt very good to do something for her in the spirit of this time of year. She was so excited as this will be the first time she will be able to spend Christmas with her son(4). Maybe the old Scrooge me is changing in more ways that I thought. All very interesting to me. Must be a sign.:) So my thought is that when the DVD comes out I would like to share this with X. I am not sure how it would be taken or if this may be too much pursuit? Any thoughts? Guess it will come down to where we are at that time. I thought of even just leaving it on the table one time when I pick her up for our 'date' night. If she watches it then good if not I have no expectations just desire. I don't think I am in a spot yet that I could do the "Love Dare". I feel that I need to keep my distance as I have been doing and no pushing or gestures of the like. I hope that in the months to come that I will be at 'that' spot that I can start doing th 'Dare'. I did most of those things but for all the wrong reasons right after the seperation. Hope that when I begin again that the right reasons will be guiding me and that X's heart may soften toward me. As for 'us'. MIL is in town, again, until after Christmas. X has been txt'n me past few days without me first txt'n her. She even wants to go to gym on nights that are not our 'date' nights. Everytime she has called in the past few days she has been very friendly even to the point her voice has a bit of flirtyness (is that a word). She even mentioned getting together on Christmas to exchange gifts and spend some time together. I'm a bit taken back by this but am happy this is the direction things are going. Unless love is blind and I am not seeing the big picture. Oh well, work on me first and hope things will fall into place.
