Yes, I too am strangely greatful to my XW for helping me to find the courage inside of myself to push for change. I'm no where near finished, but I am better. The red flags are much easier to spot, and kudos to you for picking up on BMF early. You've learned enough to save yourself the heartache.
As for being friends, I understand that completely as well. You and I both share that desire to at least have a friendship - doesn't have to be a "best friends forever" type of thing - but I'm afraid we'll both have a bit to wait for this to happen, albeit for completely different reasons.
For me, XW and I will need to solve ALL of our remaining "items" and then she'll need a massive cooling off period before we can be friends of any sort. You on the other hand will most likely have to wait as well, but because xBF is such a mess emotionally and mentally, not because he's a huge, rude a-hole. I've got the queen of the a-holes in my story.
So, for now, I don't try and be XW's friend, b/c I know she can't handle it. In time, I may try, but for now, it is simply a waste of time, effort and energy.
Unfortunately, it seems as if you might be in the same boat.
