Tomato said something on SMW's thread about the prodigal. Got me thinking, H is living like the prodigal son of the Bible. His father had given him everything, nice home, money, family, etc.
He decided to take his share of the money and run. His dad let him fall into the depths and didn't help him. But the prodigal learned how bad it was out there and came home but only after he hit rock bottom.
I need to let H go live his fantasy life and seehow it really shakes out...
Forgot to mention something fun. H's birthday is on Saturday. Nathan picked out a collection of "legends" Star Wars action figures from the internet. He is giving his dad
Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader Princess Leia Clone Trooper Storm Trooper Obi Wan Kanobi Boba Fett (Dan's all-time favorite)
I am not sure who will be more excited, Nathan or Dan...
On that note I told Dan the kids are his for the day, whatever he wants to do. That is a big 180 I normally plan a family dinner out or something, rent movies, whatever...this year I will do nothing. It is his day he can figure out what to do with it.
Good BBJ! You are right on the money with your attitude right now.
Prodigal - absolutely! Just know that the prodigal sometimes remains that way because they don't learn or grow even though they see how bad things are without the love and support of their families.
You are an amazingly strong woman BobbiJo. Hold on to your faith (although it's a little dented right now). God will uplift you in the hardest of times and carry you through.
When you are feeling your lowest, click this link and listen carefully to the words of this song.
I had a very productive evening out shopping and finish up Christmas preparations. Got home at 10:30 and H already had the kids in bed and was asleep on the couch.
He did get his offer accepted today, he closes on the 30th. Good for him. Hope the inspection clears...
MIL called me all happy chipper at 4:00 wanted to know if I had picked up the kids. I said no today is H's day to pick them up. She said oh you must be going shopping! I said yes, I am. She said, I was going to ask you to go to dinner with us. I said, oh. She said, "Is there dinner at home for Dan and the kids?" I said, "No, it is Dan's turn to take care of that. I am sure he will eat with you." She said, "When does he pick the kids up we want to eat at 5:30". I said "I don't know when, since he is picking them up I have no idea." She said, "Oh, ok we will let him handle it."
2 guesses where Dan and kids ate tonight.
2 guesses where Dan is sleeping tonight, since i got home so late he didn't want to drive to Tom's...
Grrr........I am so tired of MIL lying to my face about how she is going to make Dan be responsible for his decisions. Meanwhile she is making sure he has dinner every night he has the kids, and fronting the entire $17K down payment on his new house. I don't even want to answer the phone when she calls I am sick of it. She has said not a word to me about Dan getting a house and yet she is paying for it....
I did okay with Dan tonight until he left. I heard noises a few minutes later and looked out he was shoveling the front sidewalk. I looked out and said, "What are you doing???"
H: You are supposed to clear the sidewalks within so many hours of a snow fall... (we have lived in the country with no sidewalks, and before that California, in fact we have NEVER had a sidewalk to shovel before so who knew?)
I don't know why but it pissed me off that he was trying to take care of us while also leaving us. So I got my coat and went out to take over. He already had the public sidewalk part done so I was going to do the walk from our door to the driveway. H said, "I wasn't going to do that part it is so loud and right by the kids' window". I said, "Why didn't you just say 'Bobbi you need to shovel the sidewalk?" H said, "I took care of it, it was no big deal."
I don't know why but that irritated me and I said, "YOU don't live here anymore! I can take care of it..." He looked hurt and walked back to his truck. I felt bad so I said, "But, thank you for doing it" and he nodded and left.......
Why do I feel like crap about it? He doesn't live here anymore. And I don't want him showing up shoveling the walk and putting the kids to bed and thinking he is citizen of the year. Grr
Also I asked H if he filled out the papers as a rental or residence, he said rental. I said you need to be careful since you are planning to live there, you don't want to get into trouble for lying on a loan app.
Then he said, "No, I didn't do it as a RENTAL, I did it as an investment property. That can mean anything. It could mean I am going to sit on it for 3 months and then sell it..." WTF. Can't believe he is even falsifying his loan app. to avoid telling the realtor "I am leaving my wife and need somewhere to live". Geez
OK time to relax and clean out my mind, want some peaceful happy thoughts before bed.
Someone tell me why I feel guilty for telling H he doesn't live here anymore? He doesn't.
And also since I am making confessions while I was in the bookstore tonight a man rounded the corner of the aisle in front of me and he had on clothes very similar to Dan's and haircut like Dan's and for a split second, even though I knew it wasnt, it was like I thought Dan was coming around the corner. And I don't know why but then I got the most sick pit of my stomach feeling like when you are about to take a major test or interview for a big job. I couldn't shake that feeling for 20 minutes...I think it is just the reality of everything setting in. He is not rounding the corner to come and see me anymore...
OK I am not having a pity party I am just reflecting... Really. I am ok. Got my shopping done and for the first time in 16 years didn't buy H a birthday card or Christmas card, just ones from the kids.
Actually, the loan company doesn't care much about whether or not you plan to live in a house, although they prefer that you do, but you are not allowed to borrow the downpayment. That is the lie that matters. If they don't see where he took that money from his own funds, then he will need a gift letter from the parents saying that the money is not a loan, it is a gift and they will never ask for it back.
I think the mother feels guilty about the whole thing, how messed up her son is. She probably thinks it is because she left the family when he was young, and he never got over it. My oldest son is adopted. We got him at birth. But he never stopped testing us to see how bad a kid had to be to get his mother to give him away. There were so many times I wanted to renounce him and say, "I'm not your mother, and I don't want to be your mother anymore." But I never did it. It is not often in my life that I have managed to hold my tongue when really angry. But deep down I knew he was damaged by an accident of birth, and I could never heal the hurt in him.
Sis, don't feel bad that you told him he didn't live there anymore. It's true and he is going to have to face the truth eventually before he can hit bottom.
I will tell you this, Gabe came and mowed my lawn many times over this last growing season without me asking him. He's also come and cleaned my gutters out and even took the car once for an oil change. All the lawn and house stuff he did without asking me. I came home and it was done. They do it out of guilt BBJ. They know that what they have done to their family is totally unacceptable and it eats at them. They feel that if they do these little duties then they are still "taking care" of us. So, is Dan's LL AOS? He needs to feel needed.
My suggestion, if Dan shows up and does things for you then let him. If you need to justify it to yourself then tell yourself that he's doing it for the kids safety, wellbeing, whatever. In some ways he really is. It will take a while for you not to feel like he is invading your space by doing this. He's really not trying to make it seem that you can't do it yourself, he knows you can and that thought of being useless to you terrifies him! I guarantee it.
Hold on to your faith BBJ. God will get you through all of this. Don't forget the song - "Hold Fast"
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Really. I am ok. 
Got my shopping done and for the first time in 16 years didn't buy H a birthday card or Christmas card, just ones from the kids.