You ask me to enter / But then you make me crawl

[MichelleLT]

Well some chit chat. Some R talk.

He wants to finish the D.

So I'll be fixing the papers he gave me a while back. He says as long as I don't ask for anything unreasonable, like the cast iron (that actually worked as a joke strangely enough and we both laughed), he'll just sign them.

He found a part-time job, and is also getting a full time job. He will be giving me the rest of the tax refund soon hopefully. He made a point of mentioning it, not me.

We had a good interaction.

Very sad though.

[mishka422]

I'm glad to hear that it went without too much more pain.

You have both moved so far beyond the R you once had that it would be really hard to put it back together. Moving forward with both of your lives is imperative now.

Will you get them filed before the end of the year?

[MichelleLT]

We'll see how long it takes. I don't know what my days off are next week.

At any rate, it'll be final 4 months from the day they're filed with both our signatures on them.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((((Michelle)))))))

I'm sorry? I guess that's not right, but on the other hand? I don't know!

I know that the person he is now is not a man you want to be married too. It's just sad that he has lost his way so badly.

[GoingForward]

(((((((Michelle)))))))

How are you feeling about this?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Michelle,

I'm very sorry to hear that, I'm sorry it must have been very sad and hard to face that its come to this. Did he give any reason? I'm not sure how you feel about it, you had said you wanted it done with too, so perhaps you both had gone too far to reconcile. Anything useful come out of the R talk? Any clarity?

Love Al xxx

[MichelleLT]

I am definitely sad. Did a bit of crying last night. Hell, did a bit (even though I tried not to) at the coffee shop LOL. He wasn't mad/mean or anything, just determined. He seemed surprised I agreed to move forward. He also seemed a bit sad, but was insistent that he doesn't have the time for anyone/anything else and that I am too strong a personality for him.

He hugged me as we left. And told me to call him sometime.

I don't necessarily feel any clearer other than I am certain he is still too wrapped up in his own issues to give any energy to anything/anyone else. It's a bit of a blow to be so low on the priority list of the one you were supposed to be with forever.

I was pretty drained last night. Had a couple glasses of wine and laid low. Talked to R a bit strangely enough. It helped.

Not wanting to go to work today, but it's coming up on Christmas. Not the time of year to call in sick. Oh well. Shower time.

[mishka422]

Be well Michelle. Sadness is expected. Even though you knew this was coming, the final nails being hammered in are really hard to take.

Give yourself time for reflection and peace.

[MichelleLT]

And looking at the revised forms, apparently it takes 6 months now. Better hurry. Don't want my D finalizing on my 5th anniversary ugh.

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Michelle.. wow, so although he was determined, he still seemed sad? But he said he doesnt have the time and energy right now to fix it? I'm really sorry...

From everything you said about your H (PTSD,deployment stuff) and his upbringing/Dad running off.. it seems he does have alot of issues to sort out. Is he still having IC? And what does he mean, but you're too strong a character??

I am sure you are strong enough that you are not taking it personally. It does seem terribly sad that he cant devote some energy into trying to maintain an R with you. But there are others of us in that boat. I am sure my ex is so depressed and messed up, he just wants to keep moving forwards and not look back.

.. we've been here all year and you fought a good fight Michelle, but then, he seems very messed up right. I still dont get why he emailed you to say you are the best thing that ever happened to him though...
((((((Michelle)))))

Al xxx