Lisa and I had our concert last night and it went really well, I really enjoyed it. When I came out I had a text from h saying he was sorry for the delay in replying to me. He had changed his phone and there was a delay in the switch over (!?? hmmmm whatever). His evenings were full then he was off to his parents on Friday so could we do a day meeting. I wrote back and suggested Friday as that is the only day I can do. I haven't heard back yet.
I'm not sure I am in the right frame of mind at the moment. I am so tired and it's annoying as this was supposed to be a fun week. I was trying to work out what it was that was zapping my energy and I can't work it out - my suspicion is it is him as whenever I get bogged down with that stuff I get knackered.
I also have another debate on in my mind (mind - please stop working overtime!!!). Do I 'defriend' him and his sister from my FB. Whenever I see any of that crap from ow it always upsets me but I don't want to not be on my FB because of them.
For example the most recent thing is he said he was going up to his parents for 2 weeks complete rest over the Christmas break (on Friday in fact) - which made me have empathy for him on the inside. On his FB wall his sister tells him to have a nice time in Ireland (where ow's parents live and where ow is from). This information does upset me (of course it hurts that he is spending Christmas with her and her family, I bet his parents are *gutted* btw) and I don't really know whether I want to know anymore as I *hate* being lied to - I'd rather live in blissful ignorance. But at the same time, each time I see something like that I feel massive betrayal and it helps in the detachment process. I heal over/ recover again pretty quick but the thought of seeing him this week and him sitting there and bare-faced lying makes me feel sick. Do I ignore the lies or challenge him on it - which every time I have ever challenged him over ow he runs. Also, FB seems to be my only information about what is going on and I suppose fore-warned is fore-armed. Def finding out about him moving in with ow was a good thing in terms of my actions even if it hurt at the time.
I realise this is all probably because I am exhausted and ratty and probably being quite irrational. I'll never understand his actions this year. I really am not that bad, I was a good supportive wife. I'm lots of fun, kind, cared for him unconditionally when he was ill. Yet he went off on the pretence of wanting to live the single life and concentrate on his job and it turns out he wants to live with someone and hates his job. WTF?? I don't even try to rationalise... I suppose I am just spewing. I know it does me no good to think of this. I wish I could just walk away but something just keeps holding me on. Grrrrr.
