Life is Rough - And Really Hurts!

[1hope]

Thanks Kel,

I missed you, and am glad that you are feeling better.

I worry sometimes about how much of a toll being on this site can cause us...but I think in my situation the good has far out weighed any additional stress. I would have gone off the deep end by now with out you all.

I'm looking for my center. Aside for the 3 month A with the OW, I have always been H's primary emotional supporter. I think he is still looking for that from me and I don't have so much to spare. I need to think about focusing on myself.

[Babygirl]

hey you WOULD never let me be the supporter of H right now, if it sent me down, i cant do that to you either. you are my soul sister, in so many ways, you my dear, understand my misery with the chemo, which is bad enuff, BUT you understand the misery with doing it alone, while the H duck and run. you understand my holiday feelings, my hair crap. you. this site gave me you, and you me. and us all these people who REALLY understand.
that said, we are to love them, even tho they did this to us, its hard, but i think together we can find a way to do that, and still make US the two t's number one..........deal?

love you

[kelaaron]

Know what, for me it wasn't the site. It was just emotional overload cuz I worry so much about all of us. And once in a while, I read and hear things that really make me look at my crap and say, ok now we have to deal with this.

So yes sometimes the break is necessary. Hope if you need it take it but never ever think this place is a bad place. If it weren't for all of you guys, I would still be in major daily funk and I'm not anymore.

Yes Hope you have to take care of yourself and let him take care of himself. For now. Eventually, you can take care of each other again.

[1hope]

Thank you my sisters.

We will be ok together, won't we?

BG, it is you and me kid. We are forever linked. Kel, I have learned much from you, and your spiritual view, and taken long looks at your gentle but differing (from me) point of view. Thank you for that! MT? You out there Dorothy? I hope you are ok sunshine. I borrow a part of your sweetness every single day.

Ok, I made it home. H is out hunting and my BFF is coming over soon to help me put up some tree decorations and split a bottle of Champagne to celebrate by freedom from the radiation doc.

We are supposed to get snow this evening. I think I'd like it if the ground was blanketed in white when I get up tomorrow. I am kicking myself into the Christmas spirit, and centering myself on this special Holiiday time.

I am tired of the sadness and pain. I WILL take care of myself. I am stronger than my H knows that I am. I am going to stop feeling sorry for myself and crying over what has been destroyed. I'm going to count instead the good things that I have left, and the new things that I have found. I have wasted enough time on his ups and downs. I have given him almost a year for his "after shock." That's enough.

No expectations with him. Center myself. Enjoy my life and be thankful for all of my blessings.

I hope that everyone has a peaceful night.

[MT35]

Thanks Hope, I am glad that I can help you with something! I will take sweetness anytime, I don't feel that sweet! LOL. We all need a jump start for the Christmas spirit! Enjoy your evening Hope! Get that tree up!
Take care, and God Bless!

[Babygirl]

namesake we are linked. WE are going to make this, we are. with them or without, WE have eachother. we can we will, us together is strong.

sis i so love you.

[kelaaron]

Hope, it is my pleasure to offer support, love, smacks over the head if needed, and an alternate view for people to sometimes consider. Sometimes even if it isn't what I actually believe, I like to play Devil's Advocate cuz it makes people think.

Thank you for your strength. You have really shown me that we all have it if we just reach inside and find it.

Talk to you tomorrow over coffee. Sleep well.

[1hope]

Morning all,

Having my coffee before I jump in the shower. We got snow last night and H left at 3 am to plow. I'm sitting here in the recliner with my laptop and cat in my lap in the dark with my Christmas tree on. My BFF came over last night and we opened a bottle of champagne and toasted to good health. Then we started talking and never did start puting the ornaments on the tree. Gonna have to get that started tonight I guess. H was home and joined in on the convo. H finally got hungry and went in the kitchen and made us all tuna sandwitches. We all laughed about drinking champagne and eating tunafish sandwitches! The 3 of us had a good time, just like old times. After she left, H started to get depressed again, he missed a shot at a buck while he was out hunting earlier. He said several times that he was angry at himself, he was not happy with himself etc. I didn't make any mood to try and cheer him up like I normally would. Just nodded my head. Finally I said, well, I'm tired and need to go to bed. He said, well wait a minute and I'll go with you. We went to bed and he opened his arms wide and kind of folded me in and just held me for a while. I didn't cry, and I didn't talk. Finally we realized that I had my earrings still in and they were hurning us both. I sat up to take them off and we both got settled for sleep. His alarm went off at 3 and he got up to go plow.

So it looks like I got my wish for winter white this morning. I am centering myself and going to focus on the Holidays now.

I will check back in after I get into my office. Everyone that has to drive, please be safe.

[kelaaron]

Well Hope you beat me here this am. Actually had to clean up poop this am. Guess I didn't hear the dog as she had accident right outside my bedroom door. Good morning mom!

Hey if you like apple pie, S got gift card to Starbucks last night from one of his karate students (God when did MY S get old enough to have students?!) So I took him there last night and he got a caramel apple spice holiday drink and OMG it tasted just like apple pie.

[1hope]

Kel,
That is so cool! I remember the first time I went and had "coffee" with my youngest. I used to drive the boys to school and the older one started earlier than his younger brother. So we would kill time by occasionaly having a bagel or muffin somewhere. I remember the first time he ordered a latte, it surprised me. Said he had been getting them at the gas station in town and liked the taste. Too funny!

Being the mom of boys is pretty special. I know they will always take care of me.