I've been posting in newcomers but think it's time to move over here as I consider whether to continue dbing. I've been moving forward since the separation in March, but not moving on.
I've just found out that my h is dating his 4-year EA - the woman he referred to when he dropped the bomb as possibly his "one true love" and that he had to find that out. At that time,in March or April, she was in a long-term relationship. That appears to have ended and I have no information about why or when.
It's clear that he doesn't believe he is being unfaithful because the emotional marriage ended for him a long time ago. He's told her that he checked out of the m before he met her. We remain legally married and he describes the divorce as "just a piece of paper".
Does anyone know of sitchs where a m has been restored in these kinds of circumstances? What it feels like to me is one of those sitchs where it really has ended for him (Michelle refers to these in her book). Whatever might happen between us in the future would be happenstance, perhaps meant to be only if his current relationship or the next one, or the next one ends.
It's difficult for me because I don't believe in one true love, but I know that he does. After all of the deception and everything he has given up and how long he has "waited for her", I know that he will give this new relationship everything he can, taking the lessons learned about his role in our marriage to apply there.
Ain't it great being part of the beginner marriage?
I've read other postings about OW who are half-crazed, etc. I think this woman is probably a fairly happy, fairly well-balanced person who may in some ways be a good match for my h. I recognize that their connection is real, although given the length of time, there must be significant fantasy element which will have to be tested through real life. Whether it will turn out to be a permanent relationship will depend on things that I want to know nothing about. Their age difference is not great, but at their respective stages in life could mean different needs and priorities. What she wants as a woman in her early 40s emerging from a long-term relationship is an unknown to me and perhaps to her at this point. As a man just turned 50, it's unclear whether my h would start a family (we don't have kids), which would likely mean delaying his retirement (something that is important to him).
I'm struggling with loving him, believing in our m, and not wanting to be divorced, while at the same time knowing that I deserve a full and rich life, including freeing myself to be with someone else.
Any experiences on how these kinds of situations shake down?
