Countdown to New Year, and fresh start?

[istherehope]

Hi Ali,

Thanks for stopping in. I haven't been posting on others' threads much for awhile, but I promise I will check in on yours soon (I do still read along).

I would definitely say I see signs of my old H creeping back in. In fact I'd say H seems about 75% the way that he was. The missing 25% is the extreme affection he always showed me, the constant ILYs and little songs...yes he would sing little songs to me like "so in love with you don't know what to do." Even without this though, he is just being normal with me. Actually yesterday he gave me another big hug, and was pretty affectionate in bed again.

The ring...yes this does bother me, but I am trying not to let it get to me. I know he knows how I feel about it, and I do think he will put it on before too long. I think it could possibly make an appearance on our trip with ex...

So yes I do feel like it was the right decision to stay in the house. I think the biggest thing we were lacking was the chance to see what life together would really be like again. I think H didn't trust that we could be together without fighting, that we could enjoy each other. I still don't know exactly what he is thinking or how much he is enjoying things, but I do know that we are making plans together and that we are not fighting at all.

Today H leaves for a 2 night business trip. I am actually a little sad, but it's only 2 nights. Then next week he has another 2 night trip, then he's back and it's Xmas, and finally our trip to the Czech Republic...I'm on the train now, so said goodbye to him already, as he was going to the gym before his flight. This will be the first business trip for either one of us since living together again, and I am really curious how H will behave, how much he will reach out to me etc. It's still very weird to me that he is going to Poland. I found some Zloty from my stay there, and gave them to him. I also taught him a couple of Polish words. It felt strange even bringing up Poland, and I got a knot in my stomach, but in a way it was good to just talk normally about the place. I didn't show any emotion, and when he gets back, I'll ask him casually what he thinks about Poland. It's a very raw wound for me still, but I think if I can start viewing that time as just another experience, and if we can slowly start talking about it here and there without the emotional bits, I'll feel better.

Ugh still feeling sick though. This cold is lingering and nasty :(. I also haven't been working out so much these days. I'd gotten really thin in Poland, and was in really good shape--not so much anymore, pretty much back to normal, but at least I am eating. I do love to eat, and losing my appetite for a few months was a strange thing that had never happened to me before!

On the work front still struggling a bit, but hopefully I can get motivated enough to get things in place for a good Q1.

So that's it for now.

Thanks again Ali for dropping by. Hope you're having a good day :).

ITH