I have asked God to take over. I know I cannot help her anymore. She is not the person she once was. I don't believe she is in control. I am so afraid for her but confident that God will take care of my princess. It is the waiting for them to hit rock bottom that is the hardest part. You are right it probably would be best not to know most of whats going on. Unfortunately I am one that feels the need to know what is going on. I am trying so hard to change that.
I am praying like I never have before. Talking to God multiple times a day. I listen to sermons all the time and I went to church last night, something I need to do more often, I was afraid of going alone. Unfortunately the fasting part is coming all too easy. At one time I was eating only a single banana a day at most. My apetite was shot. I don't even really like bananas. It was just something I could stomach at the time. I have gotten a little bit better and can eat at least one whole meal on most days. Hopefully going to the gym will increase my apetite. I am a thin guy as it is, I don't want to look sickly.
This evening was not good friends. I stopped by my house on the way home from work to check my mail. She does not check it often. I only went to the mailbox and was hoping my wife wouldn't even notice I was there. It is a centralized mail box for our street so it is not in direct view of my house. Right after I shut the mail box I noticed a guy walk out of my house. It was a neighbor that is about the same age as us that has recently grown close to my wife. Within the past week she has been invited over for wine with her new roomate and even before then she went in this guys house to talk for a couple of hours one night. She just met the guy that night and I thought it was very inapropriate. He has really seemed to take an interest in her, hopefully jsut friendly. Well soon after he walked by (staring at me the whole time mind you) she walked by to go to his house with him. They were carrying what looked like drinks and a couple of things to make dinner. I am pretty sure that she sees this as only a friendship but I know how guys are. This guy might see her in the vulnerable state that she is in and try to take advantage of that. If she has been drinking, combined with the medications she is taking she might make a mistake. It took everything I had not to get back out of my truck and do something to stop this. Instead I just left. Unfortunately I left very quick (couple of tire squeals) so she could tell I was upset. I shouldn't have showed her that. I failed in that situation. To imagine my beautiful wife in the arms of another man truely hurts my soul. I know you are all going through the same type of pain and I have to say that I am SORRY. My prayers are with every one of you. This is a terrible thing to go through. I am trying so hard to be strong.
Thank you all so much for the support and love.
M 27 W 26 M 4.5 Years T 6 years Bomb Oct. '08; "ILYBIANILWY", "You don't fit into my life", "Our marriage had to have been a mistake because it is not working".
