Thanks for responding. I don't think the answers are black or white. I think we do this to save our marriages and build a stronger self...both.
My H and I are divorced. I don't know why he left...he said all words to me, verbatum, as stated in DB. I was shocked, and then he didn't talk to me until I signed the papers. I tried to call or email him a couple of times, but there was silence. All I know is that as much as it hurts sometimes, I believe we will be reconciled.
From the worst scenerio, I keep reminding myself of the goals I wanted to achieve, as tiny as they were. For instance, one was to simply respond to my emails. He did. When it happened, the single sentence made me sob. The next was to respond to my email with kindness. Then, I received an email with a whole paragraph. Again, I sobbed. The emails got better and now he is initiating phone calls every couple of weeks. Does it still hurt emotionally? Am I happy with who I am? Am I still working on the process? Yes, and I will take this over one year ago.
This is my choice and my belief and my wait. I have looked for the smallest positive ques from him--a longer glance, a kiss on my lips, he's looked for me, he asks me questions, he wants to know how I am. I know that I have to be light and fun with him whenever we talk or we see each other. I trust that I know him.
I use this site to journal and express my feelings. It helps me vent and understand myself and look for any patterns.
I wonder if there is anything your husband is doing/behaving or expressing to you now that he couldn't awhile ago. I wonder if there has been any positive pattern changes between you two.
The smallest thing he does I hold onto as if it were gold. I always try to get off the phone or say good-bye first, now he tries to keep me on the phone to talk longer. I try to 'act as if' when I don't feel like it. I hate that, but I feel a sense of respect from him and for myself when I do it. I do this because I believe in marriage.
My marriage was busted legally, but it is just a piece of paper that hasn't really changed anything. Are we closer today than we were a year ago? Yes. I intend that we will get/be even closer in the next year to come. I intend it. Will it be difficult? You know the answer to that.
In the meantime, life goes on with its ups and downs. I have enjoyed watching myself grow and strengthen and respond to it all. I enjoy knowing that I don't need my H to build my life independently. I enjoy receiving love from God, family, and friends. He lives his life with its struggles, and I do the same. I am still...patiently watching and making my small attainable goals. When they are attained, it is good for him and for me. I will take them, and I celebrate. Guess what? I feel better about myself. Then, I have the strength to continue to renew. As tough as it is, at the end of the day and even after my tears, I will choose to intend and to believe that our restoration is commencing.
The image of the slow turtle winning the race has become a very heroic character in my life.
