I decided not to follow up the conversation yesterday, and he didn't get back to me until about 8 tonight, he sent me a text that said, "can we talk tonight? feel free to call after 9 or something like that." So I did. He asked how my flight was, I told him (I almost missed the plane), and then I asked if he got to go snowshoeing, he said it is too warm, and joked maybe in February... He chatted with me about the christmas concerts he's playing (in detail), I mentioned the ones I was rehearsing for and then got excused from.
After 15-20 minutes of innocuous chatting, he asked me what I was thinking about tomorrow, and I said, "maybe... lunch? or we could go to the children's museum? But you know Portland a lot better than I do."
Basically, he told me that he was wondering what my motives were for coming to Portland, and what my "expectations" were, why I would take a 2 hour bus to have lunch with him. I stayed reallllllllllyyyyyyyyy calm (even thoguh I felt a little bit like I was being cornered, and my heart was pounding) and said, I really was just thinking lunch, or something. I am going all over the place trying to see the people I care about while I am on the east coast, and it is not that big of a deal for me to take a bus to meet someone for lunch (or something like that?) He said his gut reaction was "..." he felt nervous that he needed to prepare for some kind of serious talk. I gently laughed and said, oh, like, some kind of big dramatic confrontation? He said he wanted to "keep our relationship ....enjoyable" (trust me, I was hanging on to his every word at this point. I thought he might say "just friends" or something like that).
I said I was really glad that he was able to tell me what he was feeling instead of doing something that didn't feel right to him, and that I really appreciated that. I said, if this doesn't work for you, that is totally OK with me. It's really up to you. He said he would be seeing me in 2 weeks (is it that soon?) in January, and that he would like to keep it at seeing each other in January. I said that was totally fine, no problem (very calmly). I said, I wondered if you would wonder about me coming to Portland, but I just had this crazy thought and I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask. I'm sorry if I made you feel nervousness, dread, confusion, trepidation, bewilderment!!
Then he asked me who I was seeing in Boston and I told him, and mentioned that I am going to a new cello fix-it man and we talked about that. I got the feeling that he maybe just wanted to change the subject so it would end on a less awkward note. I felt like we had entered a very volatile space, and I thought about asking him if he had anything else to say, but I just let him lead the conversation so if he did have something to say, he would have space to say it. So we wrapped up, he said he hoped I enjoyed my trip in Boston, and I told him I hope he enjoyed the rest of his time in Maine. And I said, "i'm sorry if I made you feel weird."
