I think you are on point with that post Amy. I am not trying to martyr myself. I am afraid that in many respects I have accepted the D and have focused on moving on. I have not really been looking at things from a DBing perspective.
You raised good questions, and the main one being why don't I ask her these questions. Well, I have and she tells me that she is certain that she still feels the same way. But her actions do not show that. I think she is saying what she says out of equal parts pride and shame. I really think she had a mental breakdown and is not quite back in her right mind. This woman would NEVER have left her kids.
I am in no way a doormat, I am in my house, with my kids and she is here at my invitation only. There were a few instances where she needed to be reminded of that. I have indeed asked her to leave at times and told her she was not welcome and we had nothing to discuss if she was intent on treating me with disrespect. It has taken a long time but I think it is starting to sink in.
I also think that being nice to her has been not the best idea. I was even told that by my minister. He stated much the same as you that there have to be consequences to walking out on your husband and children. I just don't ever want my kids seeing me being mean or vengeful to their mom. Ya know. No matter what, she will always be my kid's mom.
