Tostada: I've just read through your thread - and see that you've been through a tough couple of months (and more). One thing I can offer, and it's hard to accept as well, is that your W seems to be in a lot of pain and confusion herself - and may even be going through something of a MLC. Go back and read the MLC section of DR - it's about men mostly - but, oh my, if it doesn't make a lot of sense of some of the WAWs here (including my own).
Sometimes, we reach a point with our S's where nothing we do is enough for them - no DBing, no changes, no 180s, nothing - and it's just about them and their perspectives - often times (at least from what I've seen on this board) those perspectives than get defined by this urgent need to project onto the LBS (you) all the stuff they're struggling with and angry about in themselves. For instance, your W shows you a lack of respect - and then screams at you about respect. Yet it's a simplistic summary of your situation - but I mention it because for me, once I stopped taking my W's comments and actions personally, I found myself seeing her for a person that's suffering a lot on her own - and it let me love her in a peaceful way - as I learned more and more about how to detach.
Anger is your enemy in this process - whether or not your M reconciles - anger poisons you - and usually shows up as a way of keeping you (me) from seeing things that you would rather not admit...often times that anger can be masking feelings of shame or inadequacy - but it's much easier to focus on the anger and the person we blame for that anger - than on ourselves...and that's where the real work comes in - working on you - for you - and letting go of your wife so that you can improve yourself.
I think it's that self-improvement that sometimes leads men to find new partners after the WAW has really walked - and that's when the WAW notices, hey, wait a minute, look at him, he's actually a good, decent man...since taking care of oneself and shedding anger really does make us better men...FWIW...
