When do the tears go away ?

[whitneypinch]

Hi Tom,
Thanks so much for such a thoughtful, enlightening response. I have just learned so much more how to deal with my wife and women in general when it comes to conflicts.

My W is friendly when I have to talk to her about the kids but I can see so many unresolved issues under the perfect surface. I can't seem to be able to draw it out of her. It seems like she really needs to just unload on me. All I can do is be there if she wants to talk to me, but at this point she does not want to.

If I was a betting man I would say she will never come back. She is famous for moving on once she makes up her mind, but that being said she has no problems changing her mind. If there was anyone that could have a change of heart it could be her. She has done everything to protect herself from me. In the last year she has not done anything with me, nor has she opened up at all.
She is not a talker like I am. She is a 'pleaser" and an 'emotion stuffer".
She knows if she opens the door a crack I will push it wide open.

I am laying low and responding to her contact which is about every 4-5 days. It is always just an issue about the kids. She knows I am here if she ever wants to talk and she is aware that I don't want a divorce.

Vernetta is great and I have spoken to her a few times. I also went to therapy for 7 months and it was fantastic.

It's very simple I have done everything to improve myself and will continue for life, I just want to at least have a chance to spend some time with her to see if we can get the feelings back. She is searching for that feeling elsewhere and is dating. I don't know to what extent as we don't talk about things like that.

Tom you are lucky in a way that your ex actually confides in you. I would take that as a positive.

It was so nice to see her yesterday and to be as a family, at least for an hour. She has not really seen me with the kids in almost a year. I am sure she was surprised at how calm I was and how affectionate the kids were with me. Just wish we could all hang out as a family to "see" how things are now.

Most importantly I wish I knew how she felt so I could respond to her. But she has to first want me to respond.