Lean on God when you feel weak....you will NOT be able to do this without HIM! You can "fake it" for awhile...but, the deep love that may go unrequited for a period of time will wither without the "deep well" of God's love flowing through you.
LNMW....you CAN do this. Can you go exercise when you get in the dumps? Do something to change the game....
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
You are definitely right about the not faking it part. I've been crying and praying a lot these last two days. It seems like I am most down when my wife and I are making the most progress. I think what is happening is that I am yearning for more, missing the times when we were truly together. I wish she was ready to go to the next level, but I know I must be patient and trust God to bring it all together in his timing. I have been doing a fairly good job of faking it around my wife - but it really hits home when I am alone. I feel like this whole process thing is a big tease sometimes - so close yet so far away sort of thing.
Today we all went to see the nutcracker. It was very nice as we all got dressed up. It did bring back some memories as the nutcracker was one of the first places I took my wife when we were dating. I wanted to cry several times during the ballet as my mind was just wondering off about my wife, but luckily I got a grip of my emotions. Earlier that morning I went with my wife to get her hair done and to buy some shoes for the dress I brought her the week before. Later that evening she and one of her girl friends went to a Christmas party at some hotel for her work. I was really hoping she would have invited me, but oh well. Overall, it was nice day.
I have been exercising almost everyday. I've been doing a program called P90X off of some DVDs I brought a while back. It has definitely helped. Taking work home has also help to distract me. Like I said in a previous post - I am really falling in love with my wife again. I feel like my love for her and our daughter is growing each day. However, I have to try to not get ahead of myself. My wife is not at the same page yet, so I have to hold back on a lot of feelings at the moment. I so want to tell her how much I love her and the best I can do is journal my thoughts until that time comes.
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the deep love that may go unrequited for a period of time will wither without the "deep well" of God's love flowing through you
That statement is so true. Lately I've been asking God to fill the void/emptiness in my heart with his love. It is so easy at times to feel like I am giving and giving. I sometimes wonder to myself, when is it going to be my turn to receive love. And yet, the reality is only God can satisfy that deep yearning to be loved that each of us have. I also know that I must love my wife unconditionally, regardless of if that love is ever returned. This can not be about me. It has to be about making sure that my wife is loved and is the best version of herself that she can be.
You are doing fantastic! I don't mean to give you the 2X4 when you get down...I would worry if you NEVER got down. I'm just trying to keep you pointed to the ONE that can help you get out of it.
Can I ask you now to put me on the guest list when you get remarried? LOL! You and your W are going to have an AMAZING relationship! Everything you are doing is laying the foundation for that!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
good to hear from you. Maybe a little testing of the waters, but I think it might still be a little too early to do any pursuing. I don't want to ruin the progress DB has done thus far. I love my wife so much and I know she has seen the changes in me - even her friends have commented on that. However,I think at this stage I want to continue earning back her trust and continue to do what's been working. Of, course, I am always open to suggestions and ideas.
Well, These last few days have been pretty good. The last two nights I have been spending time with my wife helping her setup some databases and spreadsheets for her work. We also did some errands such as grocery shopping, being stuff for our daughters xmas party at daycare, etc. We have been playing around a lot too and just joking around. I've really have been enjoying it.
That said, 2-3 times this week she has made comments such as "yeah, you think you are winning me back don't you." Today we were on the phone and as we were talking she mentioned, "don't think that we are getting back to together again - because I won't make that mistake again...so get that out of your head if you're hoping for that." I responded playfully by saying "what makes you think I want to get back with you - after all, I'm a good catch and there are plenty of beautiful and intelligent women out there." Maybe my response wasn't the best, but I really didn't know how to respond to that. She didn't say that in a serious voice or anything, but I always hate it when she mentions stuff like that - really tests my faith.
In addition, after she told me to get out of my head the thought of reconciliation, she then goes on to tell me that she sees me as one of her girl friends and that I am easy to talk to. After our conversation, I started to think whether or not I was setting myself up for a "lets just be friends" type of relationship rather than a marriage. In my mind, I couldn't and wouldn't want to have us just be friends in the long run. Ultimately, this is an all or nothing thing for me. While I will have to always interact with my wife due to our daughter, I wouldn't want to be friends with my wife if there wasn't going to be any hope of reconciliation. Any thoughts or suggestions on this? Am I being "too friendly", too much of a friend that I am sabotaging my chances of true reconciliation?
I responded playfully by saying "what makes you think I want to get back with you - after all, I'm a good catch and there are plenty of beautiful and intelligent women out there."
I think your response was EXCELLENT! Believe it....you would be a good catch if you were looking. Since you aren't...I'll respond to your question:
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While I will have to always interact with my wife due to our daughter, I wouldn't want to be friends with my wife if there wasn't going to be any hope of reconciliation. Any thoughts or suggestions on this? Am I being "too friendly", too much of a friend that I am sabotaging my chances of true reconciliation?
I don't think you can be "too friendly". You are rebuilding trust with your W. Look how far you have come. I believe your W is testing you to see if you will give up on her....like you did before the D. Don't fall for it...you're in this for the long haul...right? I know you are...that was rhetorical. Keep up the great work...continue making yourself a better man...your W is coming to you!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
I think you are right about her testing me. Later this evening she asked me why is it that she is the one that does all the calling and why I don't call her up more often. That comment brighten my day. I told her that I didn't want to risk interrupting her beauty sleep. About a month or two months ago I made it a point to not call my wife up but to let her take the lead as I didn't want to be seen as pursuing. Its good to see that it is beginning to pay off and I will begin to slowly be more pursuing.
Also, today she called me up and told me that she and her best friend are thinking about selling the house (keep in mind that they haven't been in it that long). She told me that she wants something smaller. She then tells me that her best friend asked her if I would be willing to have him transfer his portion of the loft over to me. She then tells me that she is not sure at this point. I simply responded that I would support her in whatever decision she made. I think right not that idea is just a thought but I was glad I was calm and collective in spite of how happy that made me.
I am definitely here for the long haul and refuse to give up on my wife. I know that I still have work in proving myself trustworthy, but that's okay. She is worth the wait and this process is definitely making me a better person.
