Finding my goodness and power

[frank_D]

Thanks 25yrsmlc. More good advice from you. Many of us are also in the alternate universe of facebook.

[frank_D]

I've read these past few posts over and over. I've been avoiding the pain, trying to find a solution. There isn't any solution besides going through the pain, accepting that it's not going to change, but I can change my life.

Hurts a lot today. I guess I will spend Christmas grieving quietly while doing what I can to make it happy for the girls.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Or maybe you could spend Christmas NOT grieving and have a good time with your girls.

[frank_D]

Yep

[smith18]

Sign up for something new. Take a class. Ballroom dancing. Archery. Billards. Gun club. Golf. Bridge club. Radio control models. Yoga. Volunteer. Meetup.com

[AmyC]

Or maybe you could spend Christmas NOT grieving and have a good time with your girls.

That's what I was thinking...

[frank_D]

This really pissed me off.

W calls a few minutes ago, I take her call. She's wondering if I'm feeling 'ok' because I've been on her mind lately because when she last saw me I seemed like I was 'sad'.

She says "well maybe it's none of my business, it's just been bothering me." I told her I was fine, thank you for your concern, and that I was on a conference call and had to go.

Sad? Ya think? Jerk.

[AmyC]

Good for you for not telling her just where she could get off.

But so help me - if you even think about starting to justify all your feelings to her I will flip right out.

My advice (the nice version): Cut it loose and perk up.

By any means necessary.

And fake it til you make it.

[frank_D]

I hear you Amy. She called back 1/2 hour later.

W: I would like to pick up D13 from school on tuesdays and thursdays.

Me: ok

W: We don't talk much in the morning and I'm hoping we can connect more in the afternoon.

Me: That might work for you.

W: I'm also going to be alone at P's house starting christmas day so I'm hoping maybe they will spend some more time with me there, maybe stay overnight.

Me: That sounds like it might work out.

W: Are you sure you're ok? It's just that you seemed kind of sad the last couple times I saw you.

Me: Well, there's a lot of pain in this house given the circumstances that we're in during the holidays this year.

W: I was only asking how _you_ were feeling.

Me: I'm fine, business is moving along as planned and that's the best I can hope for. There is no reason for you to be concerned.

W: Well sometimes I do.

Me: ok, well I need to go now, bye.

I hung up, I think she said something as I was hanging up. Her voice might have been shaky, I'm not really sure and I don't really care.

[AmyC]

I just don't think I have it in me to sugarcoat this

I am sure I will lose friends over this post

But after all this time

I can't watch this anymore

It's not that you are struggling

Struggling would suggest that you are fighting something - gaining ground eventually

But by your own admission you are not healing

That's because you do not CHOOSE to, Frank

And you do not choose to because this "place" - of misery - is actually a comfort to you

You like feeling put upon and you like the woe-is-me song and dance

After all, you have sang it since your youth

But I can not possibly convey to you just how completely unattractive this passive-aggressive inner BITCH of yours really is.

But that part of you - it's going to destroy you from the inside out

I suggest you go back through some of your old teachings about being the Alpha male and your authentic self, Frank

You desperately need a dose of your own medicine