Divorced, but 'still hopeful' to reconcile.

[forward]

SH, You asked me to comment on your thread and I am not sure if I have anything too valuable to add but I will try. I think your W is still angry, but remember that under that anger is a deep hurt. The longer you were with OW, the more devastated W was. Also, I note you have a small child who was likely born or just a baby when you had affair. Perhaps on some level this was the impetus of the affair, too?

This was my situation when H had affair and I can tell you that sitting and crying with a baby is the hardest thing...that and I felt that H neglected her and that hurt me the most deeply.

She has gone on a self-destructive path, perhaps because of her devastation. Deep down she knows this is a self-destructive path and it probably makes her feel even worse about herself. Do not make jokes about her boyfriends. If asked, you can just say "I didn't think he was right for you."

I think I WOULD see the touch as a positive, some movement in the direction of forgiveness. I also see her desire to be around you that night as positive.

I think humility does help, but it is hard to have. You need it for yourself (I need some, too). You're still keeping score: Yeah, I did this damage, but look what SHE did since!

Would you want to go back to that? Probably not.

If you're changing, she is going to have to change her interaction with you, too. You're going to have to be kinder to her than she is to you...and not keep score.


You are still saying "You need to change," too. She is going to have