Do you think some WAS are cowardly in a way...that they try to get YOU to do the dirty work?
My H thought I would be so IRATE when I found out about OW, that I would kick him out and divorce him as fast as possible.
I didn't. I recognized my role in leading him to that 'line' apologized and listened to his complaints, desires etc. for over a year.
My H thought I would be so mad when he moved out that I would divorce him and move back home to CA. H said he wasn't going to let the threat of me taking the kids to CA stop him from walking out.
I didn't do any of that....I started reading these boards and the other website like this.
I think my H thought I would be so mad when I got D papers that I would be the one to turn it around and sue him back.
I see these buttons he tries to push, but I don't react the way he thinks I will.
I think H wants me to divorce him...and he'll take whatever is handed to him.
Coward.
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
then a text came from WASband regarding the message I sent yesterday about a tax form.
H:Hi,sorry I didn't respond I was fighting the flu and slept all day yesterday. How did D8 project go?I was going to help but every joint in my body ached. It's better today but I can still feel it.
ME: I figured u were at work. Project was a struggle, we worked ALL day on it. She finally got IN to it and it turned out good.
That's all for now.
He sure gets the flu a lot!! hmmmm
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
They do get sick alot. It's that mind/body connection. You know, screwed up mind, screwed up body - garbage in, garbage out.
When my H first went to his L, he claims he said "How can I make this the least hurtful for my W?" He told him we'd been separated for the required year and he wanted to get a D as quickly and smoothly as possible.
The L charged him $1,000 for everything (thinking, I'm sure, this was a simple case).
Well........... when my L called his L saying I had retained him and it is not separation but abandonment and what was that other charge? Oh yes, ADULTERY, I can assure you his L freaked!
Of course this is all just speculation.
Hang in there!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Plan your holidays around your family and if your loon wants to join in, he may. I wouldn't plan anything around his plans because he's not sure of what he's doing from one second to the next.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Is it the best 'as if', high road, DB way to at least say ...'this is what the kids and I are thinking for xmas and new years...what are your thoughts?"
Or just ignore him.
Remember, I want to be the coolest chick...ever!!
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
Plan your holidays around your family and if your loon wants to join in, he may. I wouldn't plan anything around his plans because he's not sure of what he's doing from one second to the next.
You're right...he isn't doing anything to plan a nice xmas with his kids...and definately not me...so f-him.
If it didn't hurt the kids so much, I'd make him take them for a night. I make everything nice for everyone!
and...I get nothing.
I'm done.
Sophie
~~ Me-50 H-38 Married 15 years 8/7/08 D8 S10 S13 H affair 11/04-7/04 maybe longer H moved out 4/06
7/30/08- present: Reconnecting w/kids,friendly 10/30/08 H signed D papers 11/10/08 D papers filed 11/13/08 D papers served at home
Sophie I am so sorry. I got your post on my thread. Truth is I DID come here one night and I read your threads. But I didn't know what to say at the time. Then I forgot to come back. I wish I had a good excuse but I do not. I'm sorry. It wasn't personal at all! I'm just an airhead sometimes.
Plan your holidays around your family and if your loon wants to join in, he may. I wouldn't plan anything around his plans because he's not sure of what he's doing from one second to the next.
You're right...he isn't doing anything to plan a nice xmas with his kids...and definately not me...so f-him.
If it didn't hurt the kids so much, I'd make him take them for a night. I make everything nice for everyone!
and...I get nothing.
I'm done.
Late I know - and you probably won't even hear me but - you are wrong, Sophie.
You will get plenty.
When you aren't bitter about making Christmas nice for others but instead, are grateful you have the ability - especially with your h being so slack.
Do what you do, Sophie.
To heck with him.
He's the one who is losing here.
You are making memories that will give back to you time and time again when your kids are grown and filling your house with your grandchildren every Christmas.
