i'm just catching up here, been hibernating and licking my wounds for a while...
about the gifts/flowers/notes/etc i think what happens is we get comfortable with whatever we have. If you get them rarely you get comfortable and they lose their meaing. If you get them all the time you get comfortable and they lose their meaing.
being human requires constant change or we build up a tolerance.
an old friend of my fathers, a kindly gentlemen in his upper eighties, once told me he had nearly perfect hearing, except in the range of his wife's voice, where he was completely deaf in her tone. his take was that over the years of listening to her he wore out the nerve endings that picked up her voice.
i wasnt real big on the flowers and cards, i would do it on occassion, but gave my stbx stability and peace, financial security, a decent roof over our heads. i gave her beautiful jewelry that she always got complimented on, i made her mixed tapes, i gave her thoughtful gifts, etc. but over time what she had didnt matter, she didnt notice anymore. all she could see, and all she sees now, is what i DIDNT give her.
I'm thoroughly convinced that i could have given her everything she's missing now, and she would simply find something else to put on her "KenF Screw Up" list.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
