Another One Bites the Dust (3)

[No Longer BH]

Ah, thank you for your lovely words Gypsy. I KNOW in my heart that I need to forgive him for MY sake. I just dont know who to do it while in the midst of negotiating D. The anger I have is helping me to keep strong and fight for what is right instead of roll over because I have been beat down. Once the D is final, I plan on working on forgiving him completely....just not ready to do it yet.

So, I wanted to share my mediation expirience with you. Black clouds of smoke are pouring out of my ears from anger! Here is the thing.....we just spent 3 hours and got NOTHING resolved. She (the mediator) wanted to get the entire picture of our situation before truly discussing any terms....ok, fine, but when it came time to start to talk about terms, OEO only wanted to discuss how I was no longer going to let him into the house after the new year. So back and forth she went, each time saying hard hard it was on her to have us in seperate rooms. Too F 'ing bad. I dont know HOW many times I tried to explain that is was for my emotional health and physical health to have it this way. WHen she started talking with me at the begining of mediation she began by saying, "Last time you where here, you were living in Columbia, MO with your brother. It appeared that you had stolen your son away from OEO." I was taken aback for a moment and then said, "Um, Susan, I had cancer and moved in with my family so they could help take care of me since OEO was not will to do so. I went to great lenghts to make sure that OEO got to see our son for regular visitation and more." Can you see where this is going????



This is how my day went: First, he demanded that things stay the same with me leaving the home on his nights and weekend visitations......um, NO. Then she kept trying to say that it was his house too and that she has negotiated D's where one spouce live upstairs and the other in the basement until the D is final.....um, not goiing to happen. She kept trying to tell me that because the money was so tight that he could not afford to have his own place, I should let him have his visitations at the house.....I said he made his bed he can live in it. Besides, he DOES have a home, he chose to live with maggot. I told her I know I sound bitter, but that is because I am. You dont face possibly dying alone and just bounce back from that. SHe didnt get it. OEO then wanted me to agree to staying the way things are until APril 1st and then he would take his ENTIRE bonus (around 20,000) and the entire tax return (around 6,000) and set up an appartment. I looked at her and said NO F 'ING WAY! Half of that bonus is MINE to help start a new life with Owen since his POS father abandonded us. I WILL NOT GIVE THAT UP. Besides, he can take HIS half and go set up house with it. She tried to tell me that because OEO was paying for the mortgage technically he was giving me my maintenance which included the bonus amount and that I would be double dipping by taking part of his bonus. Through gritted teeth I said that we will have to agree to disagree on that one because that is not at all how I saw it.



We ended with her complaining once again on how hard seperate rooms are and that things take 2x's as long that way.....o'well.......and then we set up 2 more appointments in Jan. He has her so snowballed. She truly thinks he is a nice guy who is just having a hard time of it. I heard him joking with her and doing his usual shallow charming BS crap. Here I am trying to just be fair but feeling like she is already on his side. I told her there were things that I was more than willing to negotiate on, but this just was not one of them. Me and my son had to live with my friends and family for awhile, now it is OEO's turn. OEO can take him to his bro's house for his visitation, he can go and do fun things with Owen on his week night visitiations, he can stay at a hotel and pay for it out of the joint account, he can stay at his friend Chris and Tara's even. THey all have offered, these are all valid options. But nope, that is not what he wants to do. She then had the nerve to sit there and tell me he is trying to be a really good dad and shelter my son not only from the D, but from maggot as well. I could have jumped across the table and strangled her at that point.



At least I did not have to look at OEO at all. That really helped to keep me strong. I got to be angry, I got to cry and I got to just FEEL any emotion that I had without worrying about looking weak, or controlling or like a b!tch. The next time she complains I am going to say, "Susan, you can see that mediation is the way we both want to go on this. I am sorry you are not comfortable with how it is set up. If you like, we can find someone else who is more open to negotiating our terms in this manner." That will either shut her up or we will get a new mediator. I did find out that OEO wants me to put the house on the market in Jan.....again, not going to happen. I will not do it until late Feb or the begining on March. There is no point. I know I should probably insist on a new mediator, but I am not going to. I am a strong woman who has already talked to my L about what is fair and right. I know how to stand my ground. OEO is truly the weaker one and I can see him folding on many issues if I push them. Who cares what the mediator thinks of me. It only matters about the end game and there is nothing that says I have to sign one god d_mn piece of paper.



So, that is how my day has been so far. One of the things that I did while she was in with OEO was to take out my notebook and write down every reason why I hate him right now and why he is not good for me. I wrote 4 entire pages and was still going when the mediator walked back in. It really helped and it made the entire discussions of the D not scarry or painful. I think I am ready to get it over with. I even slept like a log last night, no fear, no anxiety. It was nice. I am doing pretty good, just gets me hot under the collar when you start to mess with my money. I'm just trying to find as much financial security fo rmy son as possible