Hi Scarred, I know it seems like those words might mean, "I give up, we can't fix it," but that's exactly my wife's point of view - and that is what I would be validating with those words. Also, the truth is, given my W's unwillingness to get help, we don't have much of a chance at all - since I just don't want to be with the person she has become. Of course, there were hints of her darkness over the years - and often times I would get frustrated and angry with her - but the way she is now - and the ways in which she has affected my S11 - tell me that I cannot be with her unless she wants to work on herself.
Do I think my marriage is impossible to fix? No...but do I believe that things between us my just be too hard to reconcile - yes. That has nothing to do with my relinquishing responsibility - in fact, it's my acceptance of my responsibility that leads me to that point of view - since I know that we've reached a point where nothing I can do - and by that I mean nothing - can change my W's views. I can, however, continue to change myself and grow and get stronger - and if she should take notice of that and WANT to change herself - and want to step back into trying to work on our marriage - that would be her choice...not mine.
Ending the marriage is a choice that she leans toward making - it's not the choice I made - my "choice" was to work on myself, reflect on my weaknesses, and improve who I am.
I don't know your situation, Scarred, but I sense a defensiveness and anger in your words that surprised me...or perhaps it's just my sense that you're unfamiliar with where I'm coming from - and why I would have arrived at this phase with my M and my W....
