Volleydog - You're right to think that she hasn't decided yet - if she was certain, she would have filed - but she also can't be certain of the changes in you. I haven't dealt with the addiction thing - but I would imagine that it takes a heavy toll on the partner's willingness to trust the addict, no?
As for lingering when you're invited - Kimmie Lee is spot on - you don't want to seem needy - you want to be desirable - but the trick there is that you can't just change things for your W - you have to change things in you for you - and if that means taking the kids for the holidays and making the most of it - taking on that challenge - and accepting it - and finding strength through it - then that's what you should do.
You've got communication with your W and that's a tremendous advantage to you if you want her to see how you've changed - you just have to keep in mind that you cannot go about trying to change her mind because it will backfire - it always does...
I'm about to have my first Christmas alone in ten years...and I'm both dreading it and doing my best to maintain a PMA for my kids (and for me). My wife moved out in November - and she will be taking our baby with her to visit her parents for the holidays - while I take my S11 with me to visit my family. It's hard to believe my family is so fragmented - but I also know that it will be a much better Christmas for me and S11 - as long as I make it so.
You had the strength to pull yourself out of a very dark place - and I admire that - now that you're clean, work on getting stronger. My father drank a lot when I was a kid - especially when I lived alone with him - and I remember once talking about it with a school counselor and she said that it's often how people self-medicate when they're depressed or can't deal with something....so when he put the class down...he finally had to look at himself in the mirror and has since become a better (though far from perfect) person.
Sorry to hijack and go into my own story for so long...but I thought it might lend some perspective...
BTW - have you read the books? DB or DR? I prefer DR myself - and I can say without anyone doubt that it's a different book every time I pick it up and read it - as my situation changes, my understanding of the book changes...especially my understanding of what it means to GAL, maintain a PMA and do 180s....they're all about getting healthy for you first...
