When do the tears go away ?

[whitneypinch]

Thank you soooooo much for responding Still Hopeful.
I think all my friends and family are done with hearing about the situation so I appreciate anyone talking to me about it.
I have become such a fantastic dad to my kids. It's not something I had growing up with my parents. I too am from divorce. My W is not.
I had to really grow into being a dad and now it gives me the greatest joy on earth.
A few weeks ago I backslid and snapped at my wife over something. It was the first time in a year.
She snapped back and I told her I had to get something off my chest.
I wrote that I was so frustrated that despite me working non-stop to improve myself, my family and my marriage that nothing matters at all. I told her that when I was doing all the wonderful experiences with the kids that I wished she was there with us. There have been so many firsts with my kids that she has missed. My kids love her, but tend to want to do all the cool stuff with me.
She unloaded on me like I have never seen. She basically said that this is all my fault and the selfish little bubble I was in when we were together caused her to fall so completely out of love with me. She then said that because of this I would have to live with this for the rest of my life. She said she has no guilt whatsoever and that when she is with the kids she never thinks of "the family with me in it". Her memories are all negative and that there is not a single good memory of us all together as I was so stressed out and negative all the time. I was stressed out and negative. Of course all things that I have addressed and fixed through therapy and this big wake-up call.
It was pretty hard to take, especially after a year of me doing everything in my power to become the best person I could be through therapy and reading.
I validated what she was saying and she calmed down immediately. It turned out to be on the day after she signed the final divorce papers.
It's just so damn hard as I have so much love for her and things appear to be calm. She has said she appreciates my changes but has no will or desire to fall back in love with me. Yet, she has no problem going out to date others.
She says the kids are just going to grow up in a different type of family as there are many types. She says she gives the kids what they need, "love and support". Of course I did argue that they need more than that. I pointed out that they need to be with both parents and to see the parents commitment to working through challenges, fostering love, good times and bad times etc etc. She never responded to my comments.
I did ask her to come skating with the kids last week. She said she would like to but had plans. of course she did not offer another day to do it so I think she was just letting me down easily.
Yes I know I backslide but we all do it and sometime we just need to test the waters.
I don't know if I should give up or continue.....