This time of year is very hard, and H is down and sad and all about himself. I should have figured that he could not hold up his end of the promise to help me heal.
Oh well, I also said some things that needed to be said. Not good DB'ing, but at the moment I just don't care.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
What is wrong with me? I know better. I guess I thought, hoped that his confession would purge all of the pain and confusion.
I thought that we would be getting back to normal. H wanted R talk today, and now I feel crushed and broken. He is so negative and the things that he said were so hurtful.
I am so tired of hurting. I need to get back to my center. I need to find my positive place.
No more R talks. Happy and positive me, guarding my heart from whatever crap that he has going on in his head.
Ech! He bullied me into watching Brokeback Mountain with him last night... something that I have refused to do. It made me sick and I only made it for about an hour. I think it was a control issue, but it really hurt. I came apart this morning.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I am so sorry Hope. We all wish that everything would just go back to the way it is supposed to be, and that doesn't seem to happen. I am so sorry, that your H isn't responding. I don't have any wise words for you, other than a HUGE Hug for you Hope! I am thinking about you, and take care of yourself.
Congrats on your good doctor news! That's gotta be a relief eh?
How do you get bullied into watching something you don't want to see? Why would H want to watch 2 guys.....???
It's hard for me to know what to say to you without knowing what you say to H or he says to you. You mention R talk but no specifics other than it is hurtful. Then don't do R talks. At least not now while it is still so painful and H is just using you to release himself.
Take time to get past the acute stage of finding out about the PA. Let H know if he can't help and support you then leave you alone until he can man up about it. The flip side of that is you cannot keep wigging out at him in a rant whenever it boils to your surface. Find another way to vent and get it out of your system. Find forgiveness if you want to move forward together with your H.
(((1hope)))
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Ok. Just had a calm and sane talk with H. I apologized for the meltdown this morning, but said that he needed to know that the movie last night really upset me. I did not want to watch it, I did it only because I was trying to do something that he wanted me to do and that I felt pressured, sick, disgusted and that he needed to have more respect for me than that.
He apologized. The movie was worse than he had heard and I had every right to feel the way that I did. Hmmmm.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
You are so right about the rant. I am trying to find forgiveness. I guess I haven't found what works yet for the vent.
This movie has been a sticking point for him since it came on tv. We have always watched movies together, just the two of us. We would not watch anything new without seeing it together. I know that he knew the general theme of this movie, but I'm sure he didn't know the detail of the various scenes. He wanted to see it, I didn't. It became a debate back when I was home sick and we did nothing but watch movies.
In addition to being about 2 guys, to me it was also about the infidelity. The poor mans wife saw him locked in a passionate kiss with the other guy! Ugh! It struck a nerve. Marriage vows are vows, no matter WHO you cheat with.
I let him win the debate last night, against my better judgement. I was tying to show him that things did not always have to be "my way".
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
oh sweetie! i seriously dont know WTF they are thinking, we cant take all this in and process it and not have emotions. I just said that last nite, triggers are going to happen for us, and maybe you need to tell your H what i told mine, I am actually handling this quite well, and you dont give me any credit for that.
Kel sends her love, she is checking on us all, and will be back to posting soon.
hang in there, i love you so, we need to take care of us right now.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Maybe that is why I am struggling with this now. I have always been a very emotional girl. I feel like the rug has been yanked out from under me time and again during the past year. I'm not whining, I know that everyone here has too, I'm just saying that I don't seem to be getting better at it with all this recent practice.
There is nothing more to do than get back up, brush myself off and try again.
I appreciate your comments WCW. I need to be held at that higher level. Feeling sorry for myself never has gotten me very far.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Guys sorry I have been gone for a few days but had to take a much needed break. When I couldn't even keep my eyes open to talk to my BF in the evening for five min, I knew it was time. I was in emotional overload. I am better now. Much better. Have journaled, talked, slept, cried, and aired my dirty laundry to the people who needed to hear it and am good now. Won't take this long in the future. Was planning on coming back yesterday but just decided I needed one more me day.
I think i have caught up with everyone, MT you locked so I won't say anything until you get new thread except love you.
Hope-you need to find your center. I know it is very hard. I know you expected/wanted him to just be sorry and make you feel better. Unfortunatly, as you probably know, the A was just a symptom of what he is going through so even though he has come clean on that, he still has stuff to go through and only he and God know what that is. Or how long it will take. You have the strength to do this. I think it was good to watch the movie, I actually liked it but I know a lot of people who didn't. So we won't discuss that. Just focus as much as you can on the holidays, keep the PMA for the sons and the grandbaby and then after the holidays you can deal with it.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
