TW my x for quite some time at d12 band concert on Tuesday night. Took a couple days for it to "get to me." He treated me like a really great friend...someone you can tell anything too.. AND HE TOLD ME ANYTHIGN... I did probe and ask - and I ALLOWED it..but the fact that he so willingly shared - yeah it messes with the mind a bit.
So sad really. I look at his running - his stages -- i think they call this one replay...he left to run and be FREE - within 2 weeks met someone and started a relationship -something he wanted..something "real" he was "IN LOVE WITH HER."
That is over now - and he is on to the next chase... that would be SEX. NO committment or at least nothing real. This chase is the saddest of all.....and watching/seeing/hearing it...makes my heart very heavy.
Also - seeing this wonderful friend whom i used to adore..knowing he has not changed, he is still caught in his own lies and runnign...
I could ask him - shoot anyone could and he would admit it.. He is running. Even says he wishes he would have never said anything that horrific day almost 2 years ago.
Me? I wish he would have said something and that we would have worked through this crisis together......
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Hi! How are you? I've been gone off the boards for a long while---dealing with real life. The D was final the day before Thanksgiving, and the house is now on the market.
Problem, though---H didn't bother to read the actal decree because he was in such a hurry to get it done, and is now realizing that there's a couple of things in there that he doesn't like. Namely, that I asked for it to be included that there can't be any "unrelated visitors with whom the party is having an intimate dating relationship in the same residence with the children between the hours of 8pm and 8am."
My L asked for it to be included, his L made no objection, and H's L's office was in charge of writing up the document. So, they included it, I signed, H signed, it was filed.
Then about a week later, H invites kids to go along with him and OW on a weekend trip. I'm sure he only invited them because he was sure I would say no, but I call his bluff and say yes. Then OW brings it to his attention that this is included in the decree, so oh, isn't it sad, the kids won't be able to come along on her romantic birthday weekend trip after all. (can you feel the sarcasm?)
I'm pretty convinced that she knew it was in the decree all along, but didn't care because she thought it would force him to marry her that much faster. And, of course, because until they are married it's a perfect excuse in cases like this---she doesn't have to worry about the kids coming along. She knows he's not going to cancel fun plans with her just because it means he can't be with his kids. No way in h*ll! So, she gets her fun, with no kids included.
But H isn't having it. He told his mom a few weeks ago that he has no intention of getting married again, and maybe he means it, cause get this---H is having his L re-open the case to try to get that taken out!!
Blech. He doesn't want to marry the OW, but he wants the right to have her spend the night even when the kids are there. yuck, yuck, yuck.
So....how weird is that? To sign a divorce decree, hell, to sign ANY legal document that's so important, without reading it??? Very weird to me.
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
because of what i "know". things -- remember he is a manipulator....it was NOT to be with me but for something in someway that he woudl gain... Trust me on this one. =)
talked with the C about it today actually... he was glad i said no. See part of what xh wants/wanted was to be my best friend BUT NOT BE MARRIED to me. IF my heart were at a different place, then yes...but right now it is way to attached..so the no was good for me.
he still has far far to go =(
Beleive me I wish it were different.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
IF my heart were at a different place, then yes...but right now it is way to attached..so the no was good for me.
he still has far far to go =(
Beleive me I wish it were different.
Cagz,
I totally get this. My ex-H and S10 have the same birthday, which happened to fall last week on the day that H is supposed to have his during-the-week visitation. It was very strange. I had asked H several times to please let me know what his plans were for the kids that afternoon/evening, so I could make my own afternoon/evening plans with S10. I told him that his parents and I wanted to do something with S10 for his birthday, so I needed to know what time he would bring them back. He was just very wishy-washy.
When he did bring them back home, he seemed at loose ends. I don't know---was he waiting for an invite to join in the family gathering? The previous year we did all spend the joint birthday together at his parents house, even though he was living with OW and had filed for D. It was a little strained, but everything went well and the kids had a great time. He even seemed to behave fairly normally.
I felt a little guilty for not asking him to join us, but honestly, it would not be good for me right now. I'm finally getting to the point of being able to really detach, and spending time with him in a family sitch just would drag me back down into everything again.
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
Pam! Hi! Hope you are having a wonderful holiday season with your kids. It's nice to know that you still lurk. :-)
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
