When do the tears go away ?

[whitneypinch]

I am still holding out hope but just don't know what else to do but to continue to move forward. I wish I could get to the point of not liking my ex W for what she did to the family. The problem is that it was the best thing in my life that ever happened to me. It made me finally change everything and become an appreciative, caring, loving person. I was so caught up in negativity and selfishness before this.
As you all know, it's so hard to finally break all the chains in our lives and want so badly to love our family and have them love us back.
I am not saying anything new here that all of you have not heard and/or experienced yourselves.
I guess I am just trying to reach out for a little support and kindness. I am so exhausted this morning.
I am looking forward to Christmas with my kids. I have them on Christmas forever as my ex W is Jewish.
What is also really hard is that I see some changes in my W as well. Some of the things that are important to her now were not appreciated by me when we were together. Now, since my awakening I whole heartedly appreciate them now.
Sadly since my W has not made any attempt to spend time with me she does not know of some of these change of hearts.
She really has done everything possible not to spend time with me as I guess she just has moved on.
So as my divorce is final in a few weeks I would just like some support from the board.
I am so appreciative of this board and read it everyday.