I only wish that my darling operated even half the time as I have done (in 180 fashion). And by that I am referring to my not resting on my thoughts and compulsions to reach out to her. The old me used to let many an ocacasion slip by the way side and take for granted that she knew I was thinking of her, love her or anything under the sun like that in terms of simple communication. I have really noticed that change in me & I am pleased with it.
This is just screwed up. Especially now that the thought just occured to me that maybe in the past she was perhaps better at this then she is choosing to be now. So While I am busy acquiring new communication mechanisms and tactic and using them maybe she is heading in the opposite direction.
I guess she needs time to get it all figured out. I hope that she is in fact renovating of her personal inventory ..making shifts and alterations. It is claer that to a certain degree (maybe not a solid enuf degree ??) I have done some of that myself. I have always been a self aware kind of person.
Probably doesn't do anything good as far as increasing the odds that my phone will receive a call from her with all of the tremendous amount (and I mean tremendous)of guilt that is associated with the moneys that she owes a bunch of people including me. People in large debt have a way of doing the phone dodging thing I have noticed.
Oh well, the Lord is working on hearts and turning drives and wheels and cogs, etc ..even as we speak. His ways are mysterious only because we are 'natural' human beings with extremely finite understanding. May the peace that is personified in Christ be your's
