Kathleen, now is the time? Not the fture? Wel, then I should be out of here. No doubt about that... You sound a bit like FG, cant get you attimes, like this one...
Ali, I said it feels like the universe is giving me what I want with a major delay... K
Hope your day is going well.... As long as you know what you want, I am certain that you will do what it takes to get it. Most people make the neccesary efforts to achieve their goals and are not frozen by fear....at least not for very long...then it becomes a potential problem. It's much more positive to know what we want as opposed to knowing what we don't want....don't you think? Just rambling on....don't feel like working today....
I have not posted to you about your lasted with your H so I need to ask for some clarification.
1)Did your H choose to watch or go to soccer games instead of spend time with you lately? When he knew you wanted to talk?
It seems like there are other times when you both have been available and he has done something else, I am right or wrong here?
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
sandy, my H's work has to do with soccer. It's what he does (doesnt play). So, everytime a game is on (every Sat, Sun, Tue, Wed AND Thu some times) he needs to watch some if not the entire game. Since he said he wanted back he has spent a few Saturdays with us at home and in the afternoon watched the games...
Actually he has little to zero time to be available for me since he works so much. That is the biggest problem IMO.
Something I remembered from this morning's talk, he said when I asked him if he thinks things are going alright, that he feels things are very very difficult but we could make it. Last time he told me things were fine the way they progressed.
I also asked him what he wants from me (someone had suggested that here, cant remember who, sorry). He said "be calm, strong and of course love, want him and all the rest". K
There is still something missing from H's perspective. He's not seeing it or getting it completely.
Are you willing to try MC as well as IC for a few months to see if it helps either of you? You could have all three Cs talk w/each other as long as you both sign releases allowing them to do so. Their joint consultations could be very useful for you both.
As I see it, and as you've told us, H doesn't get the quitting work/changing jobs thing. Can this be a major topic at MC? It is the one domino that must fall in order for H to have a chance and he's oblivious to it.
Maybe this is where FG is talking about your leading...but in this case, it would be to kick that domino over and start the whole thing going down.
I'm not sure how else to get it through to H, so maybe the 3rd party is the best route. Again, I'm not sure, but it may be worth the try - even if you've done this before. Maybe talk w/ MC and have them focus on this avenue.
Again, I don't know and I hope I make sense.
I hate to see you so frustrated and disappointed, especially when the two of you are so close to getting it right.
You are such a fighter, K. That is a wonderful quality. Your kids have a really great mom and if your H is lucky he will continue to have an amazing wife...
i have been following along and reading everyone's posts here for quite some time.....hoping for some sort of miracle. something lan wrote on his thread hit a nerve with me. What he was saying (I am paraphrasing) was that we tend to sugar coat things on these boards. we hold back a little. i do it, we all do it. so i will attempt to not do that today...just for one day....see how things go.....
So we have a husband who works 18 hrs / day six days a week (give or take). Obviously loves his jobs....loves his kids and his wife. How can anyone in their right mind think they have a chance of reconciling under these circumstances....I mean seriously....this person (who i respect for his work ethic) would not even be able to take care of a pet (say a dog for instance) properly. It is obvious that he puts his work / career ahead of everything else in his life. The only question is; is K willing to wait for this person to make up his mind on which job he wants to keep and then begin the work (as FG likes to say). Is this person so paralyzed by fear that on a wedding anniversary he "thinks" about showing some type emotion towards his wife....a flower. a card, candy, some shoes, a handbag....We could all come up with something yet he "thought" about it and did not act ...... out of fear? Is this person able to slowly make his way back to a "normal" life? When he does, will k be waiting for him? Is this person worth waiting for? Only k knows the answer to that.
hhmm seems like John210 and I might be considering these things in the same light. I kinda of have that feeling the really he does love you and the kids but only on his dime, time.
Does that equate to the "He's just not into you" statement?
I don't know but this has been chugging along nowhere for a little while and think that sometimes sacrifaces have to be made.
My conditions to being reconciled were one of his jobs have to become a none traveling job. It's been 7 months but he is starting to work on it pretty aggressivly. It took him 3-4 month to start the progress and only when I finally waved a BS flag in front of the counselor for what seemed to me as his lack of initiative...since then he has been proactive. So in my case it took some time to work things out. A man can not just walk away over night when he has so many obligations so I gave that leeway for awhile. Now, what he is working on as far as job changes may not work out and frankly we can't live our lifestyle without the added paycheck but just the effort means more to me than anything... 3-4 months was an eternity but in the big scheme not so much. But on the other hand my H was very attentive so Kalni's husband is a bit different.
The other was he could not travel to "her" country of work or do anything with her "affilations"...now this could cause him to be terminated at work but oh well it sucks to be him and he has kept that end of the bargain....if he doesn't I am done. I and my kids deserve and are more important than this life (expenses) that we live. You know when H and I first started out we were so happy living in a rental and on rental furniture so I offered to go back to that lifestyle just to get the marriage back on track and I meant it. Good bye big dream house, friends, neighbors, good school district.....it was worth giving up to keep my family together. Sometimes you have to decide what you can give up.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Good Morning, thanks for coming by. I think I will try to cut back on posting... Dont have much to post anyway.
None of my conditions have been met yet. He has some time, I am going to give him some time. Dont ask me why. I could never live with myself if I had regrets. Maybe I am just a chicken chit and cant take the responsibility. Whatever...
John and Sandy, I know what you are saying. You can always be frank with me. I hear you. I trust your intentions are always good. There are just some things that cant be expressed here. Some good, some not so much.
I am staying low. We will probably go to the MC tomorrow. See where that leads us. I havent figured out if I am going away with him. I realised I am trying to figure out if we have a chance, keeping myself unavailable to him because if I manage to let him in, I would have to settle.
Damn it!! It's the same question again and again. Do I settle? Do I base my future on wishes? Do I quit on the dream of being loved the way that would make me happy? Does he have these qualities to love me the way I need? Can I forget and fall for him again? Do I want too much? Is my romantic side awake now and messes with my ability to make rational choices? Am I fooling myself about how things should be? Will I ever be his again? Cant answer any of these questions. All I know now is I feel I will never be same. K
Last night I had a miserable night. I got tired fighting myself...
