Sandy - it took a lot of guts for your H to speak up in front of all those people. This is really inspiring. I can see how it would have an impact on your friends.
I hope things continue to go well for you.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Things are rolling right along. H went to see my IC the night before thanksgiving. I asked her if maybe should get a read on what was going on. Not to counsel him but how he could help her help me.
Well he came home happy and we never talked about it because I knew she would go over it with me this week. Here's what she gleemed:
1) He doesn't like feeling like a bad guy and even though I don't try to make him feel that way he says he can still see it in my eyes or body language at times. Told her that I don't try to do this it just happens. So I will work on the outward signs of when it does cross my mind.
2) She said you know that he doesn't talk emotionally and now that he is doing this it's important to listen and not think his emotions are negative.
3)She says she doens't feel he will ever be unfaithful again but she did tell him that there are other ways to check out of the marriage and that's why she could see happening if we don't keep communication going i.e... to much work, to much hobby....you get the picture
4) He told her he needs guilt free time to do whatever he wants to do.... he also told her that I have not been making him feel guilty as of lately but he does it to himself. She suggested to me that I suggest to him "hey, why don't you go play around of golf today, I've got some other stuff to do." Thus elviating his feeling of guilt. She said he really liked it when I had other interest besides him and the kids. I said well that's what all my running has been for. Not for him but it's for me. She said he really liked that. I can't wait for school to start next semester as that really seemed to impress him last year.
We held Thanksgiving at our house this year for 18 nieghbors as we all live nowhere near our families so I told him you know you will need to say the blessing this year". So after he came home from the C office he is in the office doing something on the computer and shoos me out the door. Well he emerged about an hour later and hands me 18 little slips of paper that have been cut with scrapbook scissors with the details to make them pretty and said I am going to place one of these pieces of paper at each place setting as they all have a little thankful saying on them and we can all gather at the table and everyone will read from them and then I can say the blessing.
All the friends here are our best friends so the women where in shock when I told the privately that he had done this task on his own. It was really sweet and all I could do to not have tears running down my face.
We went to SEattle over the weekend so I could run my 1/2 marathon and had a good time with the kids. It was my D 12th birthday too. He was so supportive of keeping the kids out of my way. I get a little nervous before a race and with 12,000 other people it was very overwhelming for me as newby in the running business. It was such a glorious run for me. I was well trained when I compared myself to all the red and white splotchy faces that I was passing LOL. I ran the first split in 6.5 miles in 1 hour so was on a great roll then as with so many people jocking for running space this moroon stopped right in front of me causing me the jot around him and I hurt my knee so my time for the last split sucked for me and I finished in 2:20 so the last half took me 20 minutes longer than the first. I couldn't run down the hills but hustled the flats and ups. It sucked as I hopped down the hills, I tried skipping, I tried everything even dragging my leg like Jack Nickolson in the Shining but it hurt. I was still smiling though because that's the way it goes. I am currently in a knee brace and doing PT hopefully it will not lead to surgery. I really would like to get another one under my belt soon.
H left out of town on Monday to go to TN. I have been on my best behavior on the phone calls. Even pushing him to take calls when he was talking to me and telling him to call me back. It would always piss me off before for him to do that....one of those biatch things. Now I say.. go ahead take that call and call me back....sometimes he does sometimes he doesn't but I can tell in his voice he is pleasantly suprised. It's been 5 days and I haven't had the ""poor wooes me" voice at all. I just am upbeat and positive.
We are in the time frame from which his affair started sometime in late Nov of last year so I am trying to not concentrate on that. Also, my friends have a Christmas party every year, well last year 2 days before he told me he had to deliver an airplane ( in reality, she was flying into Seattle from Qatar and told him if he didn't pick her up at the airport she would come to our house) anyway..... they are having the party and guess what he is on the schedule to deliver an airplane that night. He called me all in a panic and was very sweet. He was concerned that it would be to much of remindar for last years indescretion and said he would buy me ticket to fly there commercially and fly back with him. It's an over night trip to Hawaii. It really was nice that he thought of me like this and he offered to try to get out of it but it's really quite impossible because of the final clearance from FAA has his name on the orders. He has emailed me all the emails from his work regarding this trip, I didn't even ask. I know he is in a bad position to ask anymore from his employeer for things he can't or won't do. They are doing most of their work in the country she works in and he has flat refused to go. They can probably fire him for that, but that is boundary I set. So, since that is a biggy I will take that one over this little one. Plus, I now have ways of "checking" up on the travels, if you will.
I probably won't but who knows. I have no reason to at this point other than me being insecure and everytime I check up it makes me sick to my stomache and I feel like shiat becasue it brings it all back....and I have never found anything so unless he has a secret phone and the ability to make FAA documents and workplace documents look authentic I am sure he is on the up and up. I guess all the above could be possible but his actions don't match up to my over active imagination. LOL
Whew, that's a longer post than I planned. I am having surgery in Jan. and he is taking off 2 weeks to stay home and take care of me. My C thought this was a good time to do my surgery as it will be right at the discovery time of the affair and it will mean a lot that he is taking care of me then. Plus it's my MLC surgery so I can't wait.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Just saw you were adding to your "yarn" and wanted to say hello. Gotta go do some car related stuff now but I will try to catch up with what you have going on in your corner of the world soon.
Wishing you much continued success with the "piecing" & may God bestow your family with abundant blessings.
Things seem to be progressing well for you and H. Your H seems to be making it a priority to provide you with the reassurances you need. That is the only way you will heal. Keep doing what seems to be working.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
