....Anyway I have some observations and would like an opinion on:
1. she does not wear any of the rings I bought her, wedding or otherwise. Of course she doesn't. SHE is the one that's acting out.
2. I have taken my wedding band off my left hand and put it on the right. It has been there for some time. I think I need to move it back. I will not take it off completely cuz every time I did, something happened to me (usually car accident). My opinion is to keep it on. You are not divorced.
3. I thought I was being over the top when I had asked for Him to shine for her thru me, so that she would know He was there with me all along. How else will she see Him when she is trapped in the willful sin of adultery?
4. The pain is becoming greater, my depression seems more robust now. I am getting thru it and understand it now. I think its best for me to let my emotions out when I have time alone. It keeps me from becoming overwhelmed. I understadn the closer to God I move, the harder the other one tries. I think the SOB is working overtime on me now Been there. You overcome by the word of YOUR testimony and the Blood of the Lamb. Look it up. Then speak. What has He done for you, showed you, what does His Word SAY about your family? THAT is your testimony. .
5. Spent a lot of time thinking about how I would forgive her, what needs to be done and how I will handle it, not her, but ME! I'm scared that I can't do it, can't forgive, and then I feel the calm You CAN'T do it of yourself. Not fully. Men have the hardest time letting go of the illusion of control...but that is exactly what you have to do and the only way to do that is by opening your eyes and seeing all that He does for you, all that He shows you, all that He teaches you...while you are in this valley. That is how you will KNOW that He loves you. When you know that you know that you KNOW - then you will trust Him as you need to to walk this walk. .
6. AmyC, I'm not being a pig here, but I had thoughts about my W today, thoughts I haven't had in 5 months I don't know what you mean here. Do you mean thoughts of her sexually? I don't think that makes you a "pig". . Daydream almost. Its not that I want only that in my life or even need it right now, but strange detail dream and thought. I will look for it to repeat. I told you, I am very strong with dreams.
7. Billy Jack references, I was a huge fan. Huge!!!. LOL. I still am a HUGE fan. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE BILLY JACK! That movie was SO FAR ahead of it's time... Was fun seeing the song there as it is a favorite of mine and I sinfg it to my self alot. also, there is the theme song to Kelly's Heroes with Clint Eastwood, called Burning Bridges, which I also find myself singing I'm not familiar with that movie. . Now both of these songs have been brought up. the latter, because the movie has been on twice in a week.
It is good that you are reading FH's threads. He's one I didn't shred too badly - LOL
