Can my 32 year old W have a midlife crisis?

[Jeff3]

Thanks T,

Just got a call from My W she said she has been crying all day and wanted to talk she was tired and falling asleep so I told her to get some rest and we will talk later.I was at work.


Being patient

Jeff

[Jeff3]

Got up this morning, my W was getting ready for work. I was making a coffee and asked her if she would like one she said yes. I made her a coffee in a travel mug, she said thanks and went to work. A half hour later she sent me a text saying that the coffee was delicious. Another positive contact I think although small.

I am walking the line between not being pushy and being there for her to show her that she can come back even with the PA.

It's killing me not knowing if she actually broke the "friendship" off. I guess it will be hard to tell me.........if she has....and she is still probably upset about it. I hear good things from her mom, but I have no expectations until she tells me herself. She slept from 7pm last night to 7 this morning. We still haven't talked yet but I will wait for her to bring it up! PATIENCE!!!!!!!!

[fisherman]

Jeff,

Hey man, I know you are anxious for the talk....Just be prepared for nothing to happen with it. Although they tend to seem like they are on the edge, it isn't always the case, just part of their own roller coaster.

Just be sure to keep your expectations in check. the positive AND the negative ones. Don't expect anything at all, and keep your mind free and clear. Don't let it become a trap for you, one where she is searching for buttons to push....then or in the future. One of the things I have noticed is that: My W tends to take things from her little meltdowns to use as buttons to push on me. Be positive and upbeat, be loving yet keep your shields up a little. Don't let her suck you down a dead end road.

It's times like those talks that they seem to gain strength if things go astray.....Let her talk and just validate her feelings....don't try to fix her or this.....Cos it ain't gonna happen today..

Are you willing to give up two years of your marriage to gain a lifetime of being married? I.E. Yes....patience is key my friend.........

C

[Jeff3]

Hey Buddy

Thanks the hard part is keeping my expectations in check. I just got my mind around the fact that she was moving out and that we were signing papers then all of this happens. I am willing to be patient.

Earlier she called me and told me that she was waffling she didn't know if it was fair if she moved out and then call me when or if she is ready. I told her that we don't have to rush to sign or do anything and that there is no pressure. I said that if she is putting pressure on herself then she may not think clearly and she still needs to come up with the answer herself. My mind was racing trying to come up with the right answer. I guess I don't want to push her so I am going to give her space. I told her that if she wants to chat let me know. She was at work so I didn't think it best to pursue the conversation.

I changed topics asking her how the rest of her day went we joked a little and ended the converstation.

After I hung up I wished I had asked her exactly what she meant by waffling.

Later I called her to tell her that my c-phone was not working and was going to give her another number incase she had to get a hold of me , she replied I won't need to get a hold of you tonight. I was also tempted to ask her what she meant about waffling, but based on her response I got cold feet and said the call wasn't important I'll talk to yo later.

I need feedback as to how I handled the sitch I must remember PATIENCE this is a marathon and that even if I screwed up there is another day.

This frigging game is exhausting!!!

Jeff

[Jeff3]

I feel at some point I need to ask her what she means by "waffling" (I know she means ,unsure, but exactly what?)ARRRRGGGGGGG!!!!!

[Jeff3]

I will bite my tonge for now and not call her back, I guess if I didn't say the right things today and based on one conversation things didn't work out then the possible changes in her weren't strong enough. Only time will tell. Geeeeze I sound anxious DEEP BREATH!!! Don't worry I will keep this to myself. I just need to get it out and vent because this sitch is stressing me out.


Cheers
Jeff

[job]

Jeff,
Do not ask her what waffling means to her. Just let it go. Time is on your side and trust me, if you sit patiently and observe, tidbits of what is going on in the mind of your wife will be exposed, piece by piece. Just sit back and listen. That's all you have to do for now. No questions at this time.

[fisherman]

Hey Jeff,

Take another deep breath! Hey things are moving along. You have made it this far. Just be cool. The waffling is to be expected. Just sit back and relax.

I'm praying for ya.

[sofaraway]

Hey Jeff, just thought I would chime in a bit.

Snodderly is dead on, don't ask what waffling means. Besides, if we are being honest here you only want to ask because you have a preconceived notion as to what it means anyway.

Doesn't matter, the meaning has no reflection for you anyway.

I think that you and trapt are cut from the same mold.... you both seem to think way to damn much about results, what to say, and you both overthink things to death..... Maybe you two were separated at birth

So did you read the book????


Ian

[Jeff3]

Guys

Thanks , you are right I will shut up and sit back. I was having a moment. Maybe I didn't post it properly she said she was waffling I took it to mean based on the conversation that she wasn't as sure about leaving as she was before. My problem was that I didn't ask what exactly that meant to her. And by the responses here that was probably a good thing. I guess I have to leave it up to her to tell me on her own and be available to listen. One of my concerns was that by saying no pressure to her was that is was giving her permission to remain in limbo and continue on.

That said sofaraway, after reading some of my posts, I have been over thinking things. I guess I was ready to be on my own and accept what was happening, and now I am getting results I wasn't expecting after all this time. The over thinking part was what caused me to not feel good about the last phone call I guess because I'm trying to give the perfect answer. I guess what I have been doing so far has been working so I must do more of the same and not over think it.

Trapt my brother from a different mother LOL

And yes I have started reading the book just on the first chapter

Cheers Jeff