Read the rest of FaithfulH threads, brought me to tears thinking of all that I am doing and going thru now. amyC, nice to know I am not the only one you 2x4 on occassion, you are the best. Anyway I have some observations and would like an opinion on:

1. she does not wear any of the rings I bought her, wedding or otherwise.

2. I have taken my wedding band off my left hand and put it on the right. It has been there for some time. I think I need to move it back. I will not take it off completely cuz every time I did, something happened to me (usually car accident).

3. I thought I was being over the top when I had asked for Him to shine for her thru me, so that she would know He was there with me all along.

4. The pain is becoming greater, my depression seems more robust now. I am getting thru it and understand it now. I think its best for me to let my emotions out when I have time alone. It keeps me from becoming overwhelmed. I understadn the closer to God I move, the harder the other one tries. I think the SOB is working overtime on me now.

5. Spent a lot of time thinking about how I would forgive her, what needs to be done and how I will handle it, not her, but ME! I'm scared that I can't do it, can't forgive, and then I feel the calm.

6. AmyC, I'm not being a pig here, but I had thoughts about my W today, thoughts I haven't had in 5 months. Daydream almost. Its not that I want only that in my life or even need it right now, but strange detail dream and thought. I will look for it to repeat. I told you, I am very strong with dreams.

7. Billy Jack references, I was a huge fan. Huge!!!. Was fun seeing the song there as it is a favorite of mine and I sinfg it to my self alot. also, there is the theme song to Kelly's Heroes with Clint Eastwood, called Burning Bridges, which I also find myself singing. Now both of these songs have been brought up. the latter, because the movie has been on twice in a week.

Friends all tried to warn me but I held my head up high.
All the times they warned me, but I only passed them by.
They all tried to tell me but I guess I didn't care.
I turned my back and left them standing there.


All those burning bridges that have fallen after me.
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories.
Everyone I left behind each time I closed a door.
Burning bridges lost forever more.


Joey tried to help me find a job awhile ago.
When I finally got it, I didn't want to go.
What is there in keep for me when I just walk away?
Now there's nothing left for me to say.


All those burning bridges that have fallen after me.
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories.
Everyone I left behind each time I closed a door.
Burning bridges lost forever more.


Years have passed and I keep thinking what a fool I've been.
I look back into the past and think of way back when.
I know that I lost everything I thought that I could win.
I guess I should have listened to my friends.


All those burning bridges that have fallen after me.
All the lonely feelings and the burning memories.
Everyone I left behind each time I closed a door.
Burning bridges lost forever more...

I think very hard about these words now and her situation. I pray long and hard that this does not become her...I pray that God keeps her doors open, that she sees His light in me and knows her way home. Very emotional right now, gotta go...