Its that time of year.....

[Dawn of Hope]

well alot of the depression is actually brought on by the lack of daylite...not the holidays. Of course they dont help matters any. We suffer too. I started this thread for people to come to to realize they werent alone this time of year when spouses behavior rocked the ricter scale.

It's always nice to know you're not alone. My H just moved out last week, three days before Thanksgiving. That's my current version of holiday Hades.

I found out about OW#1 in early December of 2001, and at that time I had just started ADs but they weren't working yet. I remember that Christmas quite well; I was sitting at the table for Christmas dinner with H's family, and one of H's siblings announced an engagement and the other announced a long-awaited pregnancy, and I was sitting there thinking about the contrast between the excitement about all of that, vs. the fact that I was so suicidal that I was dubious that I would still be alive when either of those events came to fruition.

Last year, Christmas was only about two months post-bomb (discovery of ongoing A with OW#2), and I was expecting H to tell me he was moving out sooner or later, so things were strained, and I remember when I saw H's large, noisy (but generally warm and likable) family for the holiday, I was sad, thinking about the fact that it might be the last time I ever saw some of those people. And now H has moved out, so I'm sure I won't be seeing any of his family soon, if ever again.

And the holiday lights and decorations are going up all over the place now, and before this year, I always loved them...but now it makes me sick to my stomach to see them. I am so sad to see that I have turned into my mother, who has hated the holidays ever since I can remember. I really don't even want to acknowledge the holiday season. H was always the one who was the most into decorating for it, and he doesn't live here any more.

My father died suddenly on December 14th, when I was 7 years old. Two of my grandparents also died during the holidays when I was about 12 (consecutive years, I think). My mother never made any secret of the fact that she hated the holidays, but she tried to make it enjoyable for me and for my brother (5 years younger than me). There is a LOT of depression in my family; I think it was pretty inevitable that I would have it too, since everyone else in my family has had it.

Maybe we can all help each other see the holidays in a better light here on the board.

Peace,
Dawn

[Truelove]

Hi a new 2moro,
I wish you a nice week-end. (((HUGS)))

[a new 2moro]

I hope so Dawn. You certainly have had your share of Holiday cheer....NOT....Im so sorry for your losses.

Dec 13 th will be 1yr ago I lost my beloved OZ. Its already starting to hurt.

[glamgirl]

The holidays are so tough. I am finding myself dreading the upcoming next few weeks. Holidays for many are suppose to be joyous, but in actualality they can be very depressing.

Spending money we don't have, not having that perfect family environment that is depicted in the media, being alone. All of these can interfere with our moods and we can feel less of the person we are deep inside.

I too am feeling down. The last 2 years my h has been MIA. He says he is coming around this year, but I don't know for sure.

[a new 2moro]

Glam you have made sooo much progress in your stitch.....I remember you calling me for advice.....here you are on the doorstep of your H possibly coming home!

all i can say is WOW!!!!

the holidays are hard....please continue to share peeps so the newbies can see they are not alone

[a new 2moro]

Im subject to depression this time of year...Ive upped one of my mood stabilizers......but i find my self depressed over the state of things. I m just hung up in the past about the affair and the cow. When I think of H being intimate with me all i can picture is him and her. I think I dont want that anymore....I dont know what i would do if he tried to be.

[ACJ]

My H left on 24th Nov 2005. That first Christmas we did spend together for the sake of the children but it was an awful day. The second Christmas he was gone he made sure he created an atmosphere when he came to see the children. Last year he chose to go on holiday to Thailand with OW. It was supposed to be for four months but ended up just being 3 weeks. I think they were probably hoping to get married while they were there but even now the D train still rumbles on. I took the kids on holiday too b/c they were so disgusted that their dad could go away and leave them at such a crucial time of the year. Christmas day on the beach should have been great. It wasn't. My kids played up. They had a nice time but I didn't. This year my S16 will be missing from the fold as well as H as he now lives with H and currently isn't speaking to me. I think I'll just curl up in a ball for two weeks and wake up when it is all over and done with.

[MissH]

I'm sorry P, it doesn't sound like much has changed in your sitch.

What ever happened to MC?

Something needs to change, you can't keep going along the same path.

[a new 2moro]

not much youre right. except ive pretty much come to grips with it....now i either want to live in a sexless marriage destroyed by an affair or i dont. I guess my expectations were too high that things would get back to normal soon. everyone said a yr to 18 mos right? is that when they move home or after they stop sleeping with their affair partner...we all know there is a 6 month lag between the two.....

MC...under the guise we cant afford to....well partly true i guess. but gee how much is the M worth i guess..huh. He thinks well work on it together....well weve done such a bloody bang up job so far.....why not?

H has always been a chicken with head buried in the sand hoping messes would go away...solve them selves.....really i dont think there could ever be intimate relations between us again. He likes to hold my hand at nite watching tv cuddle and hug ..kisses always stop at that point.

ive lost the deisre at this point....ive convinced myself its because i cant be or wont be as good as she was. pick a reason....face it im not 26, im not attractive, none of those things.

so who knows, he says he loves me and this is where he wants to be....

[Truelove]

Hi a new 2moro,
I am sorry that not much changed in your sitch. At least he says he loves you. That is already something. But I can understand that you are not satisfied with that alone.

(((HUGS)))