LOL at you kicking the loud man! I love the sound of the skirt- what a great 180 to show H. He'll definitely notice it- so I think you should meet up.
What worked last time? Did he initiate the meeting/suggest the time/place? Depending which was successful last time I'd use the same formula....
"Hey. The conference was great- thanks for asking. I even got a gift for my efforts! Can't wait to hear how it went with the agents. [either let me know when you want to meet to discuss, or how about meeting sometime this week to discuss]."
I'm thinking that the obvious interest being expressed by other guys is a good thing. I think it means that you are acting/feeling/looking more confident, and hence more attractive. I'm thinking that your H is even sensing it, as his interactions with you seem to be improving, if only a tiny bit.
Thank you for stopping by and for your help. What worked before was me initiating the meeting and then letting him set the time and place so I sent a message basically saying what Lisa and Samina suggested last (Sunday) night and I have yet to hear back.
Al - I haven't heard yet from him about what happened with the agents, I suppose that is what this meeting will be about. I am trying not to be controlling because I know that one of the estate agents he asked does not deal in lettings so he only would have got one point of view on that. I'm not pre-empting though and trusting that he will have got useful info (and if it sounds dodgy then I will check it out myself).
Jeff - thank you for stopping by, your encouragement means loads!
Well, one weird thing to note was that I had said to h just to check the cat hadn't gone to the toilet before the agents came and he changed the whole litter tray. That was a big thing he made a fuss of before he left that 'it was disgusting and that was my job' - even though he adored the cat more than me at that stage. An incidental, but I just noticed that...
Lisa and I had our concert last night and it went really well, I really enjoyed it. When I came out I had a text from h saying he was sorry for the delay in replying to me. He had changed his phone and there was a delay in the switch over (!?? hmmmm whatever). His evenings were full then he was off to his parents on Friday so could we do a day meeting. I wrote back and suggested Friday as that is the only day I can do. I haven't heard back yet.
I'm not sure I am in the right frame of mind at the moment. I am so tired and it's annoying as this was supposed to be a fun week. I was trying to work out what it was that was zapping my energy and I can't work it out - my suspicion is it is him as whenever I get bogged down with that stuff I get knackered.
I also have another debate on in my mind (mind - please stop working overtime!!!). Do I 'defriend' him and his sister from my FB. Whenever I see any of that crap from ow it always upsets me but I don't want to not be on my FB because of them.
For example the most recent thing is he said he was going up to his parents for 2 weeks complete rest over the Christmas break (on Friday in fact) - which made me have empathy for him on the inside. On his FB wall his sister tells him to have a nice time in Ireland (where ow's parents live and where ow is from). This information does upset me (of course it hurts that he is spending Christmas with her and her family, I bet his parents are *gutted* btw) and I don't really know whether I want to know anymore as I *hate* being lied to - I'd rather live in blissful ignorance. But at the same time, each time I see something like that I feel massive betrayal and it helps in the detachment process. I heal over/ recover again pretty quick but the thought of seeing him this week and him sitting there and bare-faced lying makes me feel sick. Do I ignore the lies or challenge him on it - which every time I have ever challenged him over ow he runs. Also, FB seems to be my only information about what is going on and I suppose fore-warned is fore-armed. Def finding out about him moving in with ow was a good thing in terms of my actions even if it hurt at the time.
I realise this is all probably because I am exhausted and ratty and probably being quite irrational. I'll never understand his actions this year. I really am not that bad, I was a good supportive wife. I'm lots of fun, kind, cared for him unconditionally when he was ill. Yet he went off on the pretence of wanting to live the single life and concentrate on his job and it turns out he wants to live with someone and hates his job. WTF?? I don't even try to rationalise... I suppose I am just spewing. I know it does me no good to think of this. I wish I could just walk away but something just keeps holding me on. Grrrrr.
I got rid of my whole FB account and a close friend a few weeks ago said: your H has the OW on his FB, do you want to see? I was so tempted but then I thought no - how is that going to help?
I saw my H recently and you know what, he doesn't look too happy. What you see on FB and on the surface is not usually the real thing. Get some rest and you can then decide what to do with FB.
Being lied to is one of the hardest betrayals to overcome. For him to sit in front of you and tell you a bold-faced lie is ridiculous! He should have said nothing at all. Why does the WAS feel the need to continue lying to the LBS even after they have left us, told us they don't want us, and we know they are having an A? Don't they realize that all they are doing is further damage us by continuing to lie?
Look at what you said Julia,
Quote:
Yet he went off on the pretence of wanting to live the single life and concentrate on his job and it turns out he wants to live with someone and hates his job. WTF??
He has NO CLUE what he wants. He tried one thing, fell into another R because he doesn't know how to do single, and he now hates the job he thought he should focus on because it's not satisfying him either. You see....HIM HIM HIM! He's not going to be satisfied until he finds his own strength and stops relying on outside influences to "complete" him.
You are such a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman Julia. You have everything in the world going for you. Ask yourself if you would accept your H back as he is now. Is he someone you would respect and love now? The love you have for your H is based on the man you knew and that man doesn't exist anymore. What do you want now Julia? Tell me where you see yourself in 1 year. Let's not even go into 5 years...just 1.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Man, that sucks balls even more than I dream of doing!
IMHO it would be a good idea to not see that stuff any more- ignorance is definitely better than knowing that kind of thing, and I think that's the reason why the no snooping rule exists. Eventually, as mishka said, H is going to have to look at himself and realise that he has issues to address. In the meantime you need to stay focussed on the goal and look after you.
Bear in mind that family Xmas's aren't always the most fun of events- it's the biggest time of the year for arguments and tensions to surface, so he may have a worse time that we might imagine....
Anyway, just a couple of thoughts. I think you have every right to vent- having an MLC WAS isn't a picnic and you're going to get angry so feel free to keep venting.
((((hugs))))
L. xx
PS> I LOVED the concert too. I think I might have started loving our musical director a little you know- I'm a sucker for superlative talent, and he is so good at doing his job!!
I just wanted to let you know that I am reading and thinking of you! I'm so sorry to hear that H deceived you about where he was spending the christmas holidays. as od says, that sucks balls...
I am really glad that the concert went well!! Is there a recording???
(((Mishka))) Thank you for being such a wonderful support! You are right in many things you said, mainly that it is mostly about him right now, I accept that annoying as it is. I'm not really sure where I see myself in a year. Future thinking scares me a lot! I don't really see myself with him as it seems such an impossibility right now. I know that I will be strong though and I will be successful, for me.
(((OD))) I know you are right. Sigh, it is just annoying though. Thank you for reminding me that Christmas can be a nightmare - so true!! Enjoy ow You are right that a talented man is attractive, I just don't think I could go there though!!!!! The floppy hair is too much
(((T))) No recording unfortunatly. I wish there was! Do you have one of your finals or concerts? I would love to hear it if there is. You and OD are right it sucks balls in a major way. He is the one missing out though imo. Christmas is such fun at my house! I guarantee it won't be as fund wherever he is going!
H answered my text,
'Hi sorry I am being hopeless, it's a manic week, various xmas parties plus trying to get all my work done before I go on holiday! Do you think we could talk on the phone tomorrow then meet up after xmas if we need a to discuss face-to-face? Thanks for letting me know about (the mortgage company)'#
I replied a couple of hours later. 'Ok call me tomorrow then' and told him I was sitting opposite a guy we used to work with at the Albert Hall. That was something that would have made him laugh.
I understand he is having a manic week and can't really focus on me, I would have had a huge strop about this before. His text had a nicedr tone - if that is possible. I still cross his mind as he took so long to text back - you'd think he'd just reply straight away if he didn't think about me. He is still 'giving' me something by calling me to let me know - if he does...
On the negative, he isn't overly enthusiastic about seeing me, it's the 'if we need to'. But this could take a few meetings to build up, if it does at all.
So we shall see how the phone call goes tomorrow. My proposed tactic is that I will mainly just listen and thank him for letting me know and it will give me lots to think about. Or is that me pushing for more meetings next year. Should I try and resolve things over the phone. I know that phone calls don't really work and that meeting is much better.
You are right that a talented man is attractive, I just don't think I could go there though!!!!! The floppy hair is too much 