Not sure what to write today. Things have been going well mostly. I've been avoiding pretty much any contact with the W that makes me feel bad. A few texts to coordinate kid stuff and not much past "hi" on the days she watches the kids at the house. There's been no more staying over and I find it much easier to minimize contact in this way. I still love her but the sadness and hurt that I feel can grant me strength as well as pain. I no longer want to be with her even though I still believe that anything is possible.
We uncovered a bunch of scheduling misunderstandings but it looks as if we worked everything out in a few peacefull emails. Some of it was pretty funny.
She asked if we were going to exchange gifts (assuming not) and I said I don't know. Let's each do what we want. I think I want to give her something...even if it is just a framed picture of the kids from this summer.
My group ends tomorrow but sadly I'm going to miss the last session. It's my Brothers birthday so I'm having dinner with him. I think it helped me alot but in very subtle ways. I'm going to miss them.
My feelings toward W have been pretty solid until last night. I really didn't care, Was feeling good, looking good and having fun. But I struck something...perhaps it was stress, caffene, the season or just time...I really felt alot of regret again, and I missed her. One thing I do know was it wasn't seeing her in person last night that did it like so many other times...it was something else. Fortunatly today I seem to be over those feelings. Part of me wants to lover her forever and part wishes that I've never met her.
I don't think we'll be reconciling and am not sure what I want anymore. But if she came to me and said lets try again I think I would jump right in.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
