Ok after a lot of thought and reflection, I am realzing that my fiance is possibly going through an MLC.
Some of his signs are not "classic" so it kind of escaped my attention before now. But when I have been paying closer attention, I am hearing more than just issues with our relationship. I am hearing general dissatisfaction about his life and weird angst about the past and future. Bing! I can't believe I missed these clues. I am also realizing this was probably beginning around the time we met, 5 years ago (based on some of the things he was saying about life in general at that time - confusion, angst, etc).
I printed off a list of typical signs of an MLC for him on Friday, and he agreed that a lot of it sounded like what he is feeling.....and it also seemed to help him a little, like to read that this is somewhat "normal" to be feeling at mid-life was helpful.
Not that this solves everything, but it makes more sense than what I was previously thinking and worried about.
We took a weekend off from work (on my never ending remodeling project) and went out of town to a romantic destination on Saturday night. That helped a LOT in terms of bringing us closer again, and we talked a lot about things. Mostly about how in love we once were and how we both miss it.
I am actually still in that much love and have never wavered, and he is beginning to realize that he was the one who pulled back from me and he is questioning that now. He is questioning why he was pulling back. At the time he was rationalizing doing it based on things I was doing (or not doing) in the relationship that were bothering him. Upon reflection and me gently reminding him of all the ways I do support him and love him, he is starting to see that he was in the process of creating a re-written history....without any solid truths to back it up. Thank god we were able to talk so much this weekend.
Also on Thursday afternoon, we met with a real estate agent to ask a few questions about my house: should we spend the money on this project, or that project, and will it pay back? Also what do you think the list price will be?
That meeting was a real triumph, for me personally and also for us as a couple. Long story short, the minimal projects will be just fine, don't do any extra stuff (ie: less cost and less time to complete, yay!), and the list price will be exactly as I hoped it would be and I will get to walk away with plenty of money, thank goodness.
So that meeting set the stage for him to be able to relax a bit more. He had been thinking that we were going to need to put a lot more work into the house than we will have to, so now he can stop his overdrive thinking about that and we can focus on the smaller stuff.
This is a very good update, the whole thing! I am feeling so much more hopeful.
We have counseling again tomorrow.
I have been reading the 7 principles book.
I am all in on making every effort possible to make this work!
(and we had amazing sex all weekend....thank god we brought the big sex tarp)
