Rob, A lot of my sadness comes from the very same thing - knowing without a doubt that my W could be an amazing person - an incredible person to be with - but also know that she does not want to get any help...and accepting that I just have to let go and move on with my life. My S11 is going to live with me in a year - and will be with me until he goes off to college. I could not imagine having him live with me if my W continued to treat him the way she had been (especially since our baby was born). It's heartbreaking...but I have no choice.
NW - my S11 really is doing better - and I can see it in him...and it makes me so happy. Now I just have to make sure that I can carry my happiness with me even when I'm home alone...
I feel like I'm doing much better these days...and can see that I'm heading in the right direction. I do love my wife - I love her intensely, as a matter of fact - but I cannot be with her...and cannot live with her anger and abusiveness any more...I just don't want it.
I thought about sending her a note like this one: ............................. Dear W:
I understand that you've decided to move on with your life, and I respect your decision. These last few weeks have given me a lot of time to consider where our marriage had gone, and I agree that it just wasn't where we wanted to be. I do not want a divorce from you, W, but I see now that things between us may just be too hard to reconcile.
The last few weeks apart have also given me a lot of time and space to look at myself and my role in our life together and on my own...and there was a lot there that I did not like to see. I have a lot of things to work on in me, and, while it sounds strange to say this, I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to examine my life to a degree I just never had before. As hard as it's been to confront the brutal facts of my reality, I know that I had to in order to get healthier and find myself again.
You've been a great friend to me over the years, W, and I want to thank you for that. I also want to let you know that I admire and respect you. You are gifted in so many ways and very few people will ever have the measure of intelligence and imagination that you have. You are a wonderful mother to S2, and I take comfort in knowing that he will be raised in two very loving homes.
I wish the best for you, W, and hope that we might regain enough of our friendship to offer our S2 a healthy, fulfilling childhood.
