Divorced, but 'still hopeful' to reconcile.

[still hopeful]

Last night I sent XW a text message telling her that I 'got' what she was saying to me that, in her mind, she has been much more apt to hear my 'concerns' from me than she is to hear a thank you or an 'atta girl' from me. I told her that I would make changes in that respect immediately.

She doesn't always communicate her point well, but I've learned to sift through the garbage that her emotions sometimes bring in, to find the kernals(s) of truth in her message. I have found that if I am willing to sift out the combative tone, excessive volume, and verbal personal attacks in the message/conversation, I am able to pan for her (or others') gold nuggets of truth amid the extraneous 'stuff' brought in by old (or new) feelings brought on by something that has actually happened.

Regardless, writing here allows me to sort through MY 'stuff' and inches me closer to reaching my ultimate resolution inside my own head. I very much still wish to reconcile with my XW and desire to make my family whole again. Although I do not excuse myself, I do realize what everyone around me has told me; that my D was not the result of my A, it was simply what XW wanted all along and she finally had an 'excuse' to go ahead and file.

This may be true, but if she's pulling the wool over my eyes, this would be the first time that I had this done to me in my life. Not that it's not possible, it's just that I think it's unlikely. Additionally, being a man of faith, I pray regularly for my God to steer me in the right direction regarding my XW. To date, He hasn't given me any indication that I need to run. I believe God is working on both of us to make us better people individually and to make our children better, as well.

Regardless, I know that my faith is belief in the unseen, so any encouragement from my brothers and sisters to keep on keepin' on would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading. I know I'm a bit long winded.

Tom