Partner left after 9 years - now what?

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Cyrena, thank you so much for your insightful post. How long was your H in the MLC? He's back now?

My ex's dad died end July 2005. By the time we went on a holiday in Sep 05, he had stopped talking about his Dad!! He became very moody and withdrawn, but said he had done all of his grieving when his dad was in the coma. I had to remind myself he was bereaved as he was so shut off and just wouldnt talk. I had to gently persuade him to start sorting out his Dads house, as it was mortgaged yet empty, so we renovated it May-Sept 06, 5 months of hard work. In hindsight it was too much, too soon, but he wanted to do it.

We were doing up our house at the same time.. right up until we moved away to Cornwall late September 06. He was still withdrawn and now I realise, depressed, but kept blaming pressures of his new job here and the rain. I then, sadly, made him renovate a flat here Apr-May 07, 6 weeks of hard work, at the end of which he said he "snapped".. he also met Helen at this time, late May 07 and worked with her for 2 weeks in early June. He never 'came back' from that and by August he told me he was unhappy and wanted space.

Thats the potted version! As well, in March 07, he told his Mum we were getting M and having kids.. in April he said to me, lets do it, lets get M, in May 07 he said he wanted to give up work and be with me all day long as he missed me.. late May/June, he snapped/and or/ met Helen. Not sure!

Although he said he wasnt interested in her last year, he is now with her, still is and despite being unhappy. As we are not M, have no kids, there isnt that thread of hope between us. Although it was like a M and we still own our joint properties and have joint finances.. which he has never mentioned!!