*Should I fight custody?*already signed sep.agr

[cat03]

I hear you OT, this is a whole new ball of wax and I am trying to learn how to handle this, and obviously I need to learn a few things more.
I have now pinpointed the reason why I'm feeling so anxious: it's my "rock bottom" phase. I've been feeling a bit hopeless, resentful and to be honest, jealous of the life he's planning with her that he could've had with me.. I'm going back to the past and trying to make sense, of who/when and what, how much was it my fault, his fault... going over the ifs and what would've been and sickening myself with such thoughts..

I had to admit that to myself in order to get out of this funk, I am putting my resources together again, gathering all the knowledge that helped me get over him when the legal sep. happened. Above all, I'm trying to remember that my worries have separated me from that peace God was giving me, that my fretting and doubtfulness have made me a worrisome wreck.
I dont' want to be tied to stbx by thinking so much about him and his new life/partner. I want to be free again and happy, I want to think of my children more.
This morning there were several wonderful messages I heard online, one was about believing that God will turn what is a liability into an asset, and that God will restore the years the locust ate. About being a book that my children will read one day, and what will they see? a woman grumbling and brooding about her ex and his new life? or a woman who loves her life as it is and through God able to go through anything and still be a happy woman, mother, friend.
I want them to be proud of me, I want to live a life without resentment.

I'll get back on the wagon now guys, it's been one of those weeks.

ON THE PLUS SIDE, the C told stbx not to force to be with him, so son will be with me most of the time for now, that it wouldnt' be necessary to change visitation legally, only modify it for the time being. C is confident that with time s10 will feel better and that she'll help him deal with the anger he feels right now. It made me so sad to hear that my s10's main goal was to have me and stbx back together, that all along before gf showed up he kept askign stbx when was he moving back, I had no idea...
Perhaps I said it wrong or should not have said it, but I had a talk with s10 and told him that adults change, and that his dad's feelings changed for me and that I did not want to be with the person stbx had become, but that that shouldnt' stop him from getting close to his dad, that nothing will make me happier than to know that s10 would have a good R with him.

I'm taking s10 to C this week, and perhaps I'll learn when to shut my mouth or say something to my son.