I was curious how long it's been since your BF's father died? My H's MLC was actually triggered by a very similar event. In his case, his mother was in a coma, but the doctors decided to "pull the plug" because they declared her brain dead. She looked healthy, peaceful, quite normal, just as though she was sleeping. With her family gathered around her they switched off the ventillator--and they all had to watch her gasp for air, flail around, etc. It was horrible.
My H slipped immediately into the first of those 6 stages, Denial. The C explained that he switched himself off, because he was overwhelmed. The remainder of the MLC was an attempt not to have to examine his mixed emotions towards his mother: she was on the one hand fiercely loving, generous and loved to laugh, while on the other she could be controlling, angry, abusive even. His self-worth as a child had been tied up in winning her approval, and hating himself when he felt it was his fault he'd provoked her wrath. (Even though he's passed thru his MLC, I'm not sure he fully recognizes all this.)
In my H's case, he passed through all those stages, much slower than I would have liked. I spent a lot of time agonizing about where he was, how long had passed and how much longer until he exited "the tunnel." But, no amount of love and compassion could have "speeded up" his journey, or shielded him from the pain he eventually had to face. Besides, he NEEDED to feel that pain in order to grow.
Please believe what your friends are telling you, that you can't help your BF, except by detaching from him. If you knew that, x years down the line, he would be out of the tunnel, transformed and matured by his experience, how would you live your life? Wouldn't you want to make the most of those x years, creatively, socially, etc.? If you connected again at that point, you would not feel you'd "wasted" those years waiting for him. Or, by then you might have met someone else ...
