I have been a silent observer - have read about a billion posts on here. Lots of really really good stuff. Have had very limited success with some of the tactics. Hard to do the "go dark" thing when you have two kids that you share - wife gets called into work, and I watch, etc. Anyway, here is my story. I'm completely open to advice at this point! I figured I'd give a little background, and then go chronological.
Background: wife was sexually abused from age of 5-11, 3 years by an uncle who also abused her sister. When he stopped, her sister took over. She also experienced a bunch of familial abuse - dad made fun of her for being flat-chested, she chipped her tooth, dad wouldn't fix, and made fun of. Mother never stood up for her, etc.
She got pregnant and had an abortion at 19 - into pot, dancing, partying, craziness. I met her, and she blew me off my feet. I grew up VERY religious, and after we got married, I started to push some of those traditions. It wasn't long after that I found a REAL relationship with God, but she has never let it go.
Anyway, fast forward to the problems.
August 2006 - says she wants divorce - abruptly gets incredibly cold, angry, resentful, bitter - curses at me, I make her sick, etc
Christmas 2006 - very loving/kind, warm
February 2007 - asks if we can "try again" - a week later, right back to angry vicious person
March - moves into another room in the house
April 2007 - files divorce
May 2007 - crawls into bed with me after a nightmare where our 6 year old kills herself. Asks if we can just stop the divorce - doesn't want to hurt kids, gets all excited and starts making plans for us to be together. About a week later - right back to the "alien"
Summer - great times, at the pool, eating together, talking, etc
Fall 2007 - starts schooling, very stressed
Christmas 2007 - her family (who she doesn't get along with) comes over, and she gives little hugs, pinches, smacks on the butt
January 2008 - agrees to counseling, goes to one session, and when the therapist says that we have to choose healing on our own, she won't go back.
February 2008 - says she needs to move out and have a "separation period" - we agree to 6 months
June 2008 - finally moves out, we agree on our own to the child support, etc
September 2008 - dismisses divorce, tells me that we should resolve things, not the court. Says that she would "never say never" to a relationship between us.
November 2008 - end of the 6 month separation - ask her if we can start with being "friends" - just get together as a family, play UNO, etc, see what happens. She refuses.
December 2008 - calls me to tell me that she wants to start dating someone, that she won't date me, that she needs someone who understands her, etc. She asks D8 and S6 to "let her" date - D8 is not dealing with it well. Also, she has now changed her mind about us working things out - I asked her not to date until we were divorced. Offered to do a dissolution, it would only take 30 days to finalize. She said dissolution "may not be her best option" - but she won't file divorce until she can afford it, which will probably be 2 years when she gets her RN degree.
That's my story - basically my current plan is to go dark, but it's hard when we are swapping kids every 3 days!
Any suggestions or comments? Very very happy to listen.
