Standing on the Edge

[native]

I don't know about you but I want my wife to come back because she wants to not just so she does not want to hurt my feelings.

Good point Doc. I was not sure what the best way to proceed here was. And a good point about not retracting an offer but letting W make the decision. And acting 'as if' the loss was hers....

First you opened the communication line, even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. If nothing else you can thank her for being honest with you. Would she expect a thank you from you??

MsM, I guess the one good thing out of all this is that the communication lines are opening. (BTW, I would have liked to hear an ILY in response, but that is a bit much to hope for at the moment, I suppose.)

W and I did have a subsequent talk, which turned out quite well, regarding her behaviour over the last week or so.

Turns out she has been missing me and some aspects of our marriage. So there was more to it than she indicated at first.

Probing a bit more, I asked her about a weekend we had taken together last year in the late summer that had gone sour. We had never really been able to talk about why she had become so unhappy.

At first she explained it was because I didnt seem to want to be with her after we ML. So vague!!!!

More careful questioning and it becomes clearer that she had felt like an object, because I did not look her in the eyes and talk to her while having sex. After some meditation on this subject, I think she would have liked to have been held and reassured after sex as well.

Considering her PTSD (rape)issues this makes sense. Also some amount of monintering of her feelings during sex would be necessary in case she had a flashback (I have learned since).

After finally getting a clearer picture as to her disapointments,I expressed my regrets that I had not made her feel special and that she had felt objectified.

Told her that she and my daughter were the two most important people in the world to me.

At this point the tone of the conversation was quiet. She seemed very vulnerable. We ended it, but later I drove by her house with D to go to the store and we honked and waved as we went by, in a lighthearted way.

I guess I will stay in the peicing section for a while since W indicates some interest.

Thanks Doc, MSM, for keeping me in line!