Thanks, Nut...I going to keep that as my guiding perspective for the years ahead.
Rob - once again you've helped me with perspective...letting the guard down would be so very easy - but I've already had her use kindness to get what she wants far too many times.
Thanks especially for your view on her getting her things. I think she does want to see more pain - and she does want to hear my love for her cause me pain...but I'm moving far beyond that now. While it does make me sad to think that it's yet another step in her removal from being my W - it also makes me relieved to think that she will have her life and I will have mine. I don't know if she can ever be healthy enough for me to want to be with her again...not to say that I don't love her - I just no longer confuse loving her with enduring an abusive relationship that she does not want to change.
Journaling....
I had a wonderful day with my S11 - he joined me at a pickup soccer game - and dazzled everyone once again...I kept getting asked how old he was - since he just wasn't intimidated at all by the older people playing (he was the only person under 20). Our team was down 4-0 - then my S11 scored our first goal - and the game ended with a 6-6 tie...a lot of fun.
After the game my S11 and I went out for sushi (I've created a monster) - and on our way there he talked with me about my W - and once again told me that he's really happy with the changes in our life...and with not having her here anymore. He also told me that for the last few months (since before she moved out) he often found himself feeling angry and sad while at my house - and that it even made him not want to come over at times...I told him that I had noticed that in him - and so I asked him how he felt about being with me these days - and he said he's happier than ever - and that he just loves our time together - and the time we have with his baby brother too...he then said something that really surprised me...he said, "I don't think you should ever forgive her for what she did and how she treated you."
Those words left me very surprised...but not sad...so I asked him why he said that - and he said that he noticed how my W would blame me for things that were not my fault - and get angry with me for things that didn't make any sense to him. He also told me how hard it was for him to be around her when she would suddenly make up new rules and enforce them on him - and make him feel like he'd done something wrong - even though he knew he hadn't done anything wrong. He then told me it frustrated him because he always tries to do what he's told and be respectful - but at times he didn't understand why my W would chastise him for just being a kid...
...as I parked my only thought was...I cannot be with her if she will not change...and I had yet another reminder of why detaching from her is not only good for me but necessary...
